Everyone is Aging Blog

A few weeks ago I had the privilege to attend a drum circle conducted by my friend Alan Yellowitz at Sunrise of Bluemont Park. In all my years of visiting communities I don’t think I have witnessed such a unique activity.

The activity started the moment Alan would start unpacking and setting up his drums. Many of the residents were asking him questions about the drums and he would share information about their design and history.

Once the drum circle started, I moved throughout the community to get different video shots. Everyone I passed in the hallway was either tapping their feet or grooving to the beat.  It was great to glance into an office and see someone working behind a desk bobbing their head to the beat.

I am excited that the community is planning to have Alan come back when some local elementary schools students are visiting. I think it will be truly a memorable experience for the children and the elders!

 

I hope that one of the benefits to having my six year old son with me during this move will be seeing the community from his perspective.

So, without further adieu, I would like to introduce you to Asa who will share some of his perspective with you in this brief video.

As you can see, Asa has a pretty "pure" perspective that is untouched by the modern stigma of aging!

Just like my last move, I will record a video every evening sharing insights on the day. I am excited to have Asa along with me, I think that his insights might be much more relevant than mine!

Take a glimpse at how the stigma of aging has impacted how many of us "older people" view growing older. This is a clip from a documentary film titled CUT BACK: facing ageism.

The entire movie can be watched on producer Patricia Sahertian’s You Tube channel. It’s very well done and I will definitely be referencing some of the segments in future posts!

I certainly know that my "projects" are artificial in many aspects. So when I learn about someone who is breaking down walls and living some of the concepts that we are discussing here its exciting. We just conducted an interview for an article in our next edition, I had to post this short video of "Kit", a 53 year old attorney who is a wheelchair user and lives in the same community as her parents. Great stuff!

If you want to access a 7 minute video that details their story in more depth, click here.

I have made several presentations to groups on my project recently. Last week I presented the project to a group of about 170 social workers, senior-serving and health care professionals at the annual Social Work Luncheon held at Vinson Hall in Mclean, VA. 

My presentation was taped and edited into 3 digestable segments.

Segment 1 - Introduction, Inspiration, Everyone Is Aging, The 7 P’s, Perspective, Possessions

Segment 2 - Pricing, Proximity, Purpose, People, Positive Attitude

Segment 3 - The Stigma of Aging, Questions

If you are new to this blog and my project, I put together a “cliff notes” version to get you up to speed.

Introduction

Click here for my letter to the residents, staff and families of Paul Spring

Video that describes my vision for the project

Preadmission paperwork and screening

These two posts summarize the preadmission process

Admissions

Health Screening

Downsizing

Although I didn’t actually move my furnishings in with me, I went through the process of selecting what I would take and the challenges of dealing with the remaining items. I have several posts that discuss this process.

My new apartment

Advise on downsizing from the National Association of Senior Move Managers

I really like this post on my emotional attachment to my crock pot!

Is the emotion of moving is ageless?

Here is a video that walks you through my house and discusses what will move with me

My new home

An exhausting first day transition (includes video)

It’s not a retirement community, it’s a neighborhood

Getting more comfortable in my new home

Learning with my new neighbors

My observations and emotions around dining

Here is a video shot in the shower of my apartment!

Essay on what I learned

I have been intimately involved with senior living communities and services for the last 20 years as the founder and publisher of Guide to Retirement Living SourceBook. In my career I have visited well over 500 communities, had the opportunity to interview and personally help hundreds of individuals, families, and friends who are making choices. This breadth of experience has given me the title of “expert” in the field of aging.

While I know more about these options than most, I had never experienced what its like to move into one first hand. I began to ponder how I could truly be an “expert” without that important perspective.

I shared my idea with the management of Paul Spring Retirement Community, an independent and assisted living community in Alexandria, VA. I was pleased that although I was technically not yet a “senior” that I would be able to live as a guest for a week in the community.

I wanted the primary focus of my move to be fully experiencing the feelings and emotions that one goes through in making the transition from a home they are familiar with, to one that is unfamiliar. In an effort to immerse myself in the experience I would not have contact with my family, work or have a car in the parking lot.

Gaining a new perspective

The journey began over a month before I was going to make the move. I arrived at Paul Spring to complete the same paperwork and procedures that all new residents complete. Although I was intimately familiar with this procedure, I had never filled out my own name of the application or had seen it from this perspective. I was struck with how much I had detached myself from the overwhelming feelings of going through the process. During this visit I was also taken to my apartment, which I had seen hundreds of times before. However, I had never visualized myself living in any of the apartments until now which only helped illustrate my detachment from the process.

Discovering the challenges of downsizing

I returned home to my 4 bedroom house, armed with the floor plan to the 1 bedroom apartment I would be moving to. Although I would not be moving my possessions, I wanted to experience the process first hand. I methodically went through each room and created an inventory of the possessions in our house. I would only be able to take about 13 items of furniture, which would mean I needed to figure out what to do with the hundreds of items that wouldn’t be going with me. The first lesson I learned was that I have a lot of “stuff”! However, the items I would be taking with me are the items that get used on a daily basis. Many times people comment about how small senior living apartments might be, I feel the problem is that we may be living too “large”. The second lesson I learned was how attached I am to seemingly impractical possessions. I learned how this connection is tied to the memories associated with those possessions. My solution is to take photos and video of these items and preserve their memories!

Move-in day!

Even though had plenty of time to mentally prepare for this day, I was struck with how exhausting and overwhelming it was to step into an unfamiliar and new environment. Prior to this move most of my “purpose” in life was tied to my family and my job. Now that these were “gone”, I needed to find new purpose. Fortunately the community offered a robust calendar of activities that I could participate in. It made me feel good that I had a place to be and something to do.

My new purpose of participating in activities led me to the best thing about senior living communities, which is the wonderful people that live there. The more people I met, the more stories I heard, the more I learned, and the more I felt part of the community.

The stigma of aging

Let’s face it; the stigma of aging and senior living communities is generally not a positive one. I fully expected that I might walk away from this experience saying something like, “now I know why people don’t want to move to senior living communities.” I am pleased (and a little surprised) that it’s not the case at all. If there is one element that I could improve, it would be to integrate younger able-bodied residents into communities. I saw first-hand the benefits to being part of a community for “people”, not “older people” or “people with disabilities”.

Neighbors that care about each other

I experienced something that I never realized in all of my visits to senior living residences. I saw just how much the residents care about and care for each other. Don’t get me wrong, staff is very important in these communities, but its amazing at how much the residents help each other out whether or not staff is around for assistance or not. 

I was excited to see my family again when I returned home to my “idyllic suburban neighborhood”. However, I was struck with how lonely and isolated I felt. I had been living in a neighborhood where I had close proximity to things I needed, most importantly easy access to interesting neighbors that truly cared about each other. I guess I expected to find some flaws in retirement living with my project, but I think I found more flaws in the modern suburban neighborhood and the way I am living my life right now.

I have lots more lessons and insights that I gained from this experience, I was able to synthesize my thoughts about the experience into what I call the 8 Ps of making a transition. These include: Perspective, Purpose, People, Positive Attitude, Pricing, Possessions, Proximity and Power

Today was another fantastic day, I think I mentioned that I weighed in here at 203 (thats about 15 lbs more than I should be), I just weighed myself and I only gained 2 lbs. It’s surprising to me because I have been eating enough for a small family at lunch and dinner!

I think I owe some thanks to the resident athlete at Paul Springs, after lunch we walked a mile together and then I met him at 3:30 for a treadmill workout! In between I participated in a Wii Fitness with some other residents!

Today I took advantage of the beauty/barber shop being open and got my ears lowered!

Tonight we went to see the Army Band play at Ft. Meyers - it was a wonderful end to my last evening here a Paul Spring. Its really bittersweet thinking about leaving just as I truly feel that I have become part of this community.

This week has definately been one I will never forget. As I mention in this video - my blog entries and videos have been written and recorded in the moment. I am really looking forward to the opportunity to reflect on this experience. I will try to answer all the great questions everyone has been emailing in the near future - so keep checking back this ride is definately not over!

To find out why, you need to watch the video below!

And now for what I did today:

• Slept till 9


• Got a cup of coffee


• Hung out with neighbors in the lounge


• Bus ride to National American History Museum click here to read that post


• Lunch at the Museum


• Bus ride home


• Went to a video presentation in the theatre on The Vatican


• Walked on the trail around the community, chatted with of few others doing the same


• Had a conference in my apartment with the executive director on my transition (standard for all residents)


• Dinner


• Chatted in the lounge with some residents and family members


• Bingo

The man needs rest!

Here is what I did today, including a much more refreshed end of day video!

• Men’s breakfast


• Visited with neighbors in the lounge


• Attended a Sittercise Class


• Met with the recreation assistant for the new resident orientation


• Met with the director of rehab to introduce me to the rehab program


• Lunch


• Chatted with neighbors in the lounge


• Bus trip to Beacon Mall


• Listened to a volunteer playing the Piano


• Word games in activity room


• Unwind in my apartment – posted on the blog


• Meeting with director of dining services to explain services dining protocols


• Dinner

Whew! Another day done!

I write this post completely wiped out after my first full day in the retirement community.

Since this is the first time I have lived in a retirement community, I think it might be better to compare it to something I have experience with … a neighborhood. I have been living in neighborhoods my entire life, and one thing I will tell you if this "retirement community" is a neighborhood - I like it. 

What makes a good neighborhood? I don’t necessarily think it has much to do with the traditional barometers like property values, crime rates or the SAT scores of the local high school. I think it boils down to having good neighbors!

I have met plenty of good neighbors here today. Neighbors that really look out for each other.  Neighbors that made me laugh. Neighbors that invited me to come by for a "visit" after a brief conversation. In my opinion, a person’s age and ability has very little to do with them being a good neighbor.

Well I have a million more thoughts, but I am bleary eyed and I need sleep! I have to be at the mens club breakfast tomarrow at 8 a.m.!

Here’s an end of day video.

Well, its finally here - my big day. Isn’t it funny how you can be looking forward to doing something, but you really don’t know how it’s going to turn out? Well that’s how I feel!

My wife is going to drop me off this morning so I don’t have my car in the parking lot, I am putting away the cell phone (which might be a more interesting experiment!), and I will do my best to feel what its like to move to a new place that just happens to be a retirement community.

Hopefully you will get at least one post a day from me while I am at Paul Spring. I will try and do my posts at the end of my day so that I don’t distract myself from experiencing life as a resident.

I wont be checking email - so if you want to get me a message you would need to make a comment on the blog.

Here is a brief video I made right before "blast off" (recorded at 6:30 a.m. without a cup of coffee in me!)

I only have two days left before plunging into the life of a retirement community resident! Today I took a different type of plunge, a plunge into the icy waters of Lake Anne in Reston, VA.

My plunge was part of a fundraiser to benefit Camp Sunshine, a one-of-a-kind retreat in Maine for children with life-threatening illnesses.

I hope you enjoy this very brief video (I am the idiot in black shorts!)

It’s interesting how I have received a similar reaction to telling people that I jumped into icy waters as I do when I tell them I am jumping into the life of a retirement community resident. "Why" is the first question everyone has to both of these feats.

I am doing both because they each have a componant to help people; supporting a great youth program and gaining a better perspective on how we care for our elders.

On a more personal note, both initiatives have a componant that satisfies my curiousity, and a touch of "bravado" that I am experiencing something that others have not.

Armed with my 1-bedroom floor plan and the knowledge that I was really going through with this project, I headed home to my 4-bedroom single family home. Although I won’t be taking up permanent residence in Paul Spring, I want to put myself in situations that will force me to experience the feelings of making this transition. I felt that the first step was deciding what belongings I could take with me.

I prepared a video that shows you the primary items I selected.

It turns out that I only have the space to take about 12 items of furniture and an assortment of other necessities to make this transition. The good news is that the things I would take with me are really the belongings that my family uses on a daily basis. Most of the remaining furniture and belongings don’t really get much use.

Although I might get along fine without the hundreds of items that won’t be going with me, I am struck with the emotions and memories associated with each of them. I will explore this in much greater detail over the next few posts. I will share my thoughts and potential solutions for this challenging transition.

To help, I have invited the membership of the National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM) to provide me with suggestions and guidance. I will be sharing their insights in future entries.

Welcome to the first post! My name is Steve Gurney, I am 43 years old and I will be sharing my experiences and insights with you as I discover what its like to live in a variety of senior/retirement settings. My first stop will be the Paul Spring Retirement Community in Alexandria, VA.  Although I won’t be moving in until February 9th, this project has provided me with a lot of new perspective on transitions and I have alot on my mind to share. Check back frequently and feel free to comment, ask questions, or challenge my ideas and thoughts!

Here is a brief video introduction to me and the concept: