Everyone is Aging Blog

“The generation gap is an immensely misleading term. It implies that people from different generations are inherently different whereas people within a generation are inherently similar.”

This quote is from a University of Michigan student, and is just one of the good “nuggets” from the book Aging Awakenings: Assisted Living Residents Teach University Students to Overcome Ageism by Richard C. Adelman, Ph.D. which details the thoughts, ideas, and transitions of students and residents involved in an innovative program that engages college students and the residents of a senior living community.

The book details a research project that studied the thoughts and views of over 60 students at the University of Michigan. The project first had students share their thoughts on aging, which not surprisingly revealed a bias towards stereotypes that most of the elderly have cognitive and physical challenges, and that the majority of the elderly have conservative and stubborn mindsets, etc. Then each of the students engaged in a year long program where they were matched up with residents of University Living.

At the end of the program it was fairly conclusive that the experience debunked the majority of the previously held stereotypes. Every student that previously regarded the elderly as conservative, or felt that the elderly did not have the ability to learn new things before they entered the program had discarded those viewpoints at the end.

What’s’ even more exciting is the new things that the student learned from their relationships in the senior community. They overwhelmingly reported that they admired the elder’s skills in conflict resolution, their insights on death, and to many students a big surprise was that they found their insights on love and sex tremendously helpful.

I found many of the insights in this book in alignment with my own experiences in senior living communities and many of the thoughts that we discuss on this blog. Armed with the mindset that “everyone is aging”, it will be exciting to see how the students that participated in this program can help change the world and views of aging. Lets hope that programs like this will soon be required courses on campuses across the county – and imagine the all the great engagement with elders that can take place if that happens.

I highly recommend this book to staff and management of senior living communities, it should help them think differently about the value of the residents and an example of engagement with the community in a positive way.

Click here to order the book

 

As I have mentioned, the other communities I have stayed in were independent and assisted living and my accommodations included a full bathroom and kitchen. At first glance my room at Keswick seemed to be equal to most hotels I have stayed in. As I was unpacking my toothbrush in the bathroom, I realized that I didn’t have a shower!

This shouldn’t have been a surprise, because I have been to many nursing homes in my career and very few have rooms with private baths or showers. However, I didn’t bring a robe or anything to cover up on my morning march down the hall! Almost like clockwork a staff member arrived at my room with a gown and toiletries for my stay – like I said it’s a little like a 5 star hotel.

In the morning I headed down the hall for the shower. It was a huge shower with plenty of room, no barriers to entry and the ability to adjust the shower spray in any direction imaginable. If I wasn’t in a hurry, I could have spent a lot more time there. I am a huge proponent of Universal Design, while it might not be feasible for showers and bathrooms to be this large, they should all strive to be accessible. It makes it easier for those with all abilities.

It would be easy to take a negative viewpoint on the experience of having to walk down the hall to take a shower.  However, I have stayed in a few upscale bed and breakfasts where I had to do the same thing.

I know that there are some models of care that are focusing on private baths, and I can see how this will be a great benefit to residents, especially those living in these communities long-term.

 

A few weeks ago I had the privilege to attend a drum circle conducted by my friend Alan Yellowitz at Sunrise of Bluemont Park. In all my years of visiting communities I don’t think I have witnessed such a unique activity.

The activity started the moment Alan would start unpacking and setting up his drums. Many of the residents were asking him questions about the drums and he would share information about their design and history.

Once the drum circle started, I moved throughout the community to get different video shots. Everyone I passed in the hallway was either tapping their feet or grooving to the beat.  It was great to glance into an office and see someone working behind a desk bobbing their head to the beat.

I am excited that the community is planning to have Alan come back when some local elementary schools students are visiting. I think it will be truly a memorable experience for the children and the elders!

 

One of the pioneers in Senior Move Management, Margit Novak, President of Moving Solutions, (pictured below far left) shared the following personal story that integrates the importance of "purpose" and the concept of "staycations" in retirement communities which presents another great way to explore the hotel/retirement community concept.

Several months ago, I participated in a program on the emotions of downsizing.  Held at a nearby retirement community, the program included a panel of three community residents:  a resident of many years who had become widowed while living at the community, a wife who had moved with her husband a few years earlier, and a widow who had moved in a few months earlier.  Two of the panel members had lived nearby; one moved from another state to be near family.

One by one, the panel members described their experience of living in the community, what they had expected and what they found.  They described what a typical day was like, what they valued in the community, and how they felt about their decision to move.  They talked about a sense of purpose, of meeting new friends, of learning new things.

No one on the panel talked about the home they had left, about missing a 2-car garage, a large kitchen or a formal dining room.  No one said that closet space at their new apartment was inadequate, that they lacked privacy or felt they were “over-programmed.”

Then members of the audience spoke about what brought them to the program on downsizing.  They described their concerns about leaving their home and living in a community setting.  They talked about their reluctance to give up their garden, formal dining room or extra bedrooms for when grandchildren visit.  They talked about their concern that they would move and then be unhappy.

No one in the audience said their life had become smaller as friends moved, became ill or passed away.  No one talked about what it was like to eat meals alone, or the things they didn’t do because they lacked transportation, inclination or company.  No one talked about boredom, or depression or a sense of fatigue from the demands of maintaining a large home.

 

And then it struck me, that these people weren’t speaking the same language.  The things that made life in the retirement community meaningful, that gave residents a sense of purpose, weren’t even on the radar screen of the people who still lived in their homes.          I wondered how to connect their vocabulary, so they could understand what each was saying.  I wasn’t sure words could even suffice. Perhaps it is something that must be experienced.

I got a partial answer when a Marketing Director at a community described a “Staycation” program she had recently hosted.  Prospective residents were invited to spend three days at the community.  The Marketing Director surveyed each guest to learn about their interests, and custom-designed an itinerary for each person that included busy days and the company of resident-hosts.  At the end of the three days, more than half of the guests became serious prospects and initiated the move-in process.  “I thought I would be giving things up,” one woman commented.  “Instead, our lives would be fuller.”

As someone who spends time both in people’s homes and in retirement communities, I admit, I have a bias.  Virtually every client I meet after their move to a retirement community says, “I should have done this years ago.”  But they don’t chat for long.  They are busy going somewhere, doing something. They are busy thriving.

"Do you know of any retirement communities in the Boston area that do the hotel-type rental?  How would one find out about the possibilities for this type of rental?" 

I have received a few questions like this one lately. Since there is not a formal organization of communities offering this type of stay, here are some ideas if it’s something you are interested in.

• If you need to be somewhere specific, map your location on Google Maps


• Click on the “search nearby” link and type in “retirement community”. This should give you the location of the communities closest to your location.


• If that doesn’t generate a good list, contact the Area Agency on Aging in the region you are visiting and ask them for a list of local communities.  


• You want to focus on independent living retirement communities or continuing care retirement communities first.


• Once you have narrowed it down, your best point of contact will be the marketing department. Ask them if they have a program for guests to stay in their community. If the answer is yes, you may be on your way to a unique hotel stay!


• If its not their standard practice explain why you are interested. Since you are going to their city anyways, see if you could schedule a time to swing by the community on your trip and introduce yourself to the staff and tour the community. As I have stated earlier, I think this type of arrangement is best for travelers that are frequently going to the same location, checking out the location first and meeting staff is smart for everyone.

Definitely not as easy as calling in to book a hotel! Well, as I said before, this is not an idea for every traveler. However, for the right person and the right community it has the possibility to be a trip you will talk about for a long time!

 

I have definitely received a few comments and emails with this tone lately. Here are some of the consistent themes challenging the concept of travellers in retirement communities:

• Increased liability and exposure for the community and residents


• Different tax structure and government regulations


• Potential for criticism from the hotel industry


• Most people won’t want to invest time with the residents

All of these are very valid points, and this is also a great opportunity for me to remind the readers that a lot of the concepts I throw out there are just ideas – I like getting critical feedback because it gives us the potential to turn some of these ideas into reality.

Here are a few of my thoughts on how a retirement community might address the challenges outlined above.

First, my vision of the characteristics of the ideal traveler might be someone who is:

• Looking for a different experience


• Open to spending a small amount of time in the community with the residents


• Will be returning to the community periodically for additional trips


• Has a common bond to the resident(s) such as a profession, interest or hobby


• Has agreed to specific “rules” set by the community and perhaps even submitted to a background check

As you can see I wouldn’t suggest opening the doors to all travelers, just a select few. A typical community might only have 2-3 people a year in this “club”. Operating under this concept these guests can simply be classified as guests of the community, similar to family members that might stay in a guest suite.

Most communities have a fund or charity that they support. Instead of charging the traveler for the room directly perhaps the traveler can make a contribution to a fund like this which could offset the funds coming directly from the community and might make this a program that favorably benefits the bottom line.

If this concept works in a specific community and is beneficial to the residents, travelers and community over time – then the community might consider taking more formal steps that might classify themselves as a “hotel”.

Remember, I am just throwing “wacky” ideas out there to get us to think differently about our system of eldercare!

 

I had a brief business meeting that I needed to attend this morning and then I was able to head back to the auditorium to catch the tail end of a fantastic program that links the residents to University of Pennsylvania students. Approximately 25 students from the University of Pennsylvania for whom English is their second language come to The Watermark on a monthly basis. Residents pair off with 1-3 students and they engage in conversation.

The intention of the program is to help the students with their English communication skills – however by the look on the residents’ faces and the enthusiasm of the conversations it’s clearly mutually beneficial. This reiterates that sometimes the best thing we can “do” for our elders (or anyone for that matter) is not necessarily to “do” things for them, instead provide opportunities where they can “do” things for someone else. I have seen first hand how much elders have been able to "do" for me in my travels!

When the program finished the “instructor” had quite a challenge getting the students to stop talking and get them to the bus back to U. Penn. Several of the students brought their cameras and were eager to get pictures with the residents.

 

I really picked the right table to sit at to have my cup of coffee this morning. My plan was to have a cup of coffee and then participate in the 9 a.m. exercise class. I ended up missing the class because I didn’t leave the dining room until after 10 a.m. Many people came and went from our table I feel very fortunate to have met so many people in a short period of time.

The residents of this community really linger in conversations over their meals; it’s truly a great thing especially for an “outsider” like me or a new resident. After breakfast, I was invited to a resident’s apartment to see his wonderful collection of art. I am once again reminded that these are experiences that couldn’t be replicated if I was staying in a hotel.

I headed up to Philadelphia early this morning on Amtrak and arrived at my “hotel” The Watermark at Logan Square. I never noticed that the front desk of this community looks like it could be in a hotel! Each of my “immersion projects” in senior living communities seems to expose just how detached I have been from the details of my surroundings.

After a business meeting I was able to enjoy cheese steak in the dining room and attend a lecture with the residents in the auditorium. Several people asked me if I was there getting “my eyes worked on”. I learned that The Watermark has a program for people recovering from eye surgery at the Wills Eyes Institute . Combined with the fact that their company slogan is UN Retirement Living, I figure this is a pretty good place to explore some “everyone is aging” thinking!

Many times when I am traveling alone I am either stuck eating at the hotel bar having small talk with the bartender, or eating alone in my room. While I could have done either of these things tonight, it was great to be welcomed to dine with 4 people in a resturant that I have never met before. In addition to their good stories and curiousity about me and my life, they shared with me some impressive programs that they have participated in that link them to youth programs and schools. It would be pretty difficult to replicate this day in a hotel.

Here is a little video I made at the end of my day – definitely going to sleep well tonight!

 

I have been getting a lot of great feedback on the concept of senior living communities opening their doors to travelers! I feel pretty good about stumbling into a concept with such a positive response. Here are a few thoughts and ideas:

Good for economic reasons: Many communities around the country are having occupancy problems due to the challenging real estate market. Several people commented that the studio apartments, which many times are the most difficult for a community to rent to a resident might be ideal for travelers.

Good to share wisdom and connect the residents: Most people I have communicated with about this concept really support the mutual benefit of connecting travelers to residents. This has multiple benefits in addition to giving the community an “ageless” culture.

A great way to "test drive" a retirement community: Let’s face it, most people are a bit intimidated about making the move to a senior living community. If a community that you are interested had a "hotel" program, it could be a great way to get a taste of the community … who knows maybe your kids or grandkids might stay with you too!

It’s better than a hotel: I have discovered first hand that these communities are better neighborhoods that the ones I have lived in through my lifetime. There is no question that they have many features that make them better than the hotels I have stayed in. However, the best benefit is the people that live and work in these neighborhoods - even a traveller passing through for the night has the opportunity to experience the benefits.

I have several friends that take regular business trips out of town and end up staying in the same hotel  in the same city each time. They feel lucky if the bartender is the same and remembers who they are. Imagine the relationships that could be formed if they made their stay at a retirement community instead! It would take a traveler with the right mindset, but they would be rewarded tremendously.

Tomorrow I head up to The Watermark at Logan Square to play around with the concept a bit. As always I will try to share my thoughts and insights.

 

I have a business trip to Philadelphia planned for next week. Before I could book my hotel room the management at The Watermark at Logan Square invited me to "check in" to their Continuing Care Retirement Community instead.

I have worked hard to make all my moves into other senior living communities as authentic as possible. Although they are temporary moves, I have taken a lot of effort to put myself in a position to feel what it would be like to a permanent resident. I was very concerned that checking into a community as though it was a hotel would not be in alignment with my overall goals.

However, as I thought about it a bit more I began imagine how senior living communities might open their doors to a select group of travelers and deliver benefits to the residents and travelers.

I have some creative ideas on how this might be executed, but I will save those for future posts. My plan is to do a “mini-immersion” on this trip, I will reflect on the travel concept, but I will also be spending a time experiencing the community as if I was a resident.

Stay tuned I will "check in" on Tues, Nov. 18. As always feel free to hit me up with questions, comments, or challenges!

 

When you have been to as many retirement communities as I have, you will see some interesting things!

Today I arrived at a retirement community to interview and videotape some residents for an upcoming article. The moment I walked in the door, I was greeted by a very excited resident who said to me, "young man can you please grab that snake in the foyer and put it in the garden."

Not leaving me with much of a choice, I put down my equipment and frantically tried to grab the snake. I am not really squeemish around snakes and reptiles, and I have grabbed plenty of garden snakes in my lifetime. As I scrambled for the snake with a few retirement community residents watching I was sure this would be the one garden snake that had teeth and was going to send me screaming down the street in pain!

Fortunately I was able to grab it and get it to the garden and claim "hero status" in the community for a brief period of time!

I do a lot of pondering on this blog about how we can create communities that accept and take care of all ages as an alternative to segregating by age. Take a look at this Today Show video clip to see the alternative that we are living with in countless communities across the country.

This is a great opportunity for the homeowners association and any governing bodies that seem to be attached this legalized form of segregation to broaden the definition of this community by allowing an exception(s).

I wonder if Kimberly Broffman is really a problem to the community? Does she make too much noise playing by herself outside? I wonder how many other residents watch her and wish they could have their grandchildren living with them too?

I am concerned that if this “law” is enforced in the favor of the community it can really continue to move us away from equality and will just promote ageism. This situation is ripe for some creative thinking and a positive solution!

 

It was great to watch last night’s broadcast on ESPN of Josh Faiola, the minor league pitcher that found himself suddenly living in an assisted living residence instead of a traditional "host family" residence. It was great to see and hear Josh, Cindy and the residents of the community that I have been such a raving fan of!

I have been in communication with Josh and Cindy Griffiths-Novak the owner of The Belvedere of Westlake. I wanted to see the video before I interviewed them, feel free to hit me with any questions or ideas that you would like answered.

An article in The Daily Record this week confirmed alot of the elements that I have observed in my "travels" this year! The article states:

"Seniors are not only postponing retirement, but also looking to save time and money by living closer to where they work and play. Experts are forecasting an older-aged migration toward cities and transportation hubs."

 

If you live in a location where you don’t NEED to drive, then loosing or choosing not to drive will not impact your lifestyle that much. This is something all of us should think about regardless of our age and abilities.

Another quote from the article that confirms some of my thoughts and observations:

"Many senior communities were built with land-grabbing amenities like golf courses, tennis courts and swimming pools, so they had to be built far from the city center. Residents drive miles to the grocery store, movie theater or hospital."

In my opinion, the key "amenity" that can greatly enhance anyones lifestyle at any age is the grocery store. Look for a post or two in the near future devoted entirely to the grocery store … in my opinion the hub of any neighborhood and community.