Everyone is Aging Blog

A friend recently shared an innovative program launching at her alma mater Westchester University, this summer called Grandparents University. Grandparents and grandchildren aged 8-14 will live in the dormitories, share meals the dining hall, enroll in courses, attend classes taught by University faculty, explore campus and enjoy evening entertainment and activities. The program concludes with a Sunday graduation ceremony and family celebration complete with an awarding of diplomas to every “graduate.”

Grandparents University® was started on the University of Wisconsin-Madison campus by the Wisconsin Alumni Association (WAA) 10 years ago and has been replicated at several other colleges around the country. This video gives a glimpse of the Michigan State University program in action:

This is such a great program on so many levels it engages our elders with tremendous purpose and it encourages our youth towards higher education and learning. I would love to see a similar program that might match elders and children that might be at risk or not have a grandchild or grandparent relationship.

Here are some links to the programs I was able to find, I am sure there are some more and similar programs by other names:

• Michigan State University


• University of Wisconsin


• Western Washington University


• Oklahoma State University


• University of North Texas


• West Chester University

After posting my last entry about the generation gap, I came across this CBS News video clip of a grandmother that is hitting the European club scene as a DJ. Great stuff!

“The generation gap is an immensely misleading term. It implies that people from different generations are inherently different whereas people within a generation are inherently similar.”

This quote is from a University of Michigan student, and is just one of the good “nuggets” from the book Aging Awakenings: Assisted Living Residents Teach University Students to Overcome Ageism by Richard C. Adelman, Ph.D. which details the thoughts, ideas, and transitions of students and residents involved in an innovative program that engages college students and the residents of a senior living community.

The book details a research project that studied the thoughts and views of over 60 students at the University of Michigan. The project first had students share their thoughts on aging, which not surprisingly revealed a bias towards stereotypes that most of the elderly have cognitive and physical challenges, and that the majority of the elderly have conservative and stubborn mindsets, etc. Then each of the students engaged in a year long program where they were matched up with residents of University Living.

At the end of the program it was fairly conclusive that the experience debunked the majority of the previously held stereotypes. Every student that previously regarded the elderly as conservative, or felt that the elderly did not have the ability to learn new things before they entered the program had discarded those viewpoints at the end.

What’s’ even more exciting is the new things that the student learned from their relationships in the senior community. They overwhelmingly reported that they admired the elder’s skills in conflict resolution, their insights on death, and to many students a big surprise was that they found their insights on love and sex tremendously helpful.

I found many of the insights in this book in alignment with my own experiences in senior living communities and many of the thoughts that we discuss on this blog. Armed with the mindset that “everyone is aging”, it will be exciting to see how the students that participated in this program can help change the world and views of aging. Lets hope that programs like this will soon be required courses on campuses across the county – and imagine the all the great engagement with elders that can take place if that happens.

I highly recommend this book to staff and management of senior living communities, it should help them think differently about the value of the residents and an example of engagement with the community in a positive way.

Click here to order the book

 

Last week the residents of Sunrise at Bluemont Park and the second grade students from Ashlawn Elementary School had an opportunity participate together in a truly unique intergenerational activity.

The retirement community residents and school children had been corresponding with each other as “pen pals” but had never met in person. When they finally got together to meet in person, they all engaged in a drum circle at the senior living community. Take a look at the brief video I shot of the children and elders:

If you follow this blog, you know I am a huge fan of Alan Yellowitz and the unique brand of activities that his company, The Beat Goes On provides to a rapidly growing number of senior living communities. Alan facilitates drum circles in communities; see my previous post and a video of another one of his “sessions”.

This afternoon I moderated a discussion featuring Dr. Judah Ronch and Dr. Bill Thomas at my alma-mater UMBC. The session focused on the challenges of eldercare in the workplace.

I had a moment of clarity in the session regarding the similarities between being a working parent with young children and being a working caregiver for an elder. Since most of the attendees were parents, this seemed to be a fitting comparison.

I reflected on how I have personally been caught dozens of times over the years without a caregiver (babysitter) for my children and left with the only option of taking them into the office with me. As well behaved as they can be, this generally leads to a disruption in the workplace and very little work gets done by me or anyone else when my kids are in the office.

I rarely hear about employers or employees inviting aging parents into the workplace. However, in theory it makes a lot of sense. These are individuals that possess years of wisdom and they might actually volunteer to contribute to the productivity during their stay! I think most parents would also be very interested in seeing their children at work

Since Take Your Sons and Daughters to Work Day is celebrated every year on April 22nd, I think that the creation of a Take an Elder to Work Day certainly makes a lot of sense.

 

When I run into readers of this blog, usually the question comes up, "What ever happened to the little girl in the retirement community?" The little girl is Kimberly Broffman, the 6-year-old grandaughter of residents living in an age-restricted retirement community in Florida. The homeowners association of the community is in a brutal battle with the family and the potential that Kimberly might be assigned to a foster family is a real threat.

The good news is that the family is still together, and according to this article the family received some well wishes and support in the form of gifts from neighbors, care groups and school faculty during this holiday season. Hopefully the Broffmans will either sell their home or the homeowners association will make an important exception in the near future, we will keep you updated on this one!

Here is the video that will make you question the concept of age restricted living!

A few weeks ago I had the privilege to attend a drum circle conducted by my friend Alan Yellowitz at Sunrise of Bluemont Park. In all my years of visiting communities I don’t think I have witnessed such a unique activity.

The activity started the moment Alan would start unpacking and setting up his drums. Many of the residents were asking him questions about the drums and he would share information about their design and history.

Once the drum circle started, I moved throughout the community to get different video shots. Everyone I passed in the hallway was either tapping their feet or grooving to the beat.  It was great to glance into an office and see someone working behind a desk bobbing their head to the beat.

I am excited that the community is planning to have Alan come back when some local elementary schools students are visiting. I think it will be truly a memorable experience for the children and the elders!

 

I had a brief business meeting that I needed to attend this morning and then I was able to head back to the auditorium to catch the tail end of a fantastic program that links the residents to University of Pennsylvania students. Approximately 25 students from the University of Pennsylvania for whom English is their second language come to The Watermark on a monthly basis. Residents pair off with 1-3 students and they engage in conversation.

The intention of the program is to help the students with their English communication skills – however by the look on the residents’ faces and the enthusiasm of the conversations it’s clearly mutually beneficial. This reiterates that sometimes the best thing we can “do” for our elders (or anyone for that matter) is not necessarily to “do” things for them, instead provide opportunities where they can “do” things for someone else. I have seen first hand how much elders have been able to "do" for me in my travels!

When the program finished the “instructor” had quite a challenge getting the students to stop talking and get them to the bus back to U. Penn. Several of the students brought their cameras and were eager to get pictures with the residents.

 

I headed up to Philadelphia early this morning on Amtrak and arrived at my “hotel” The Watermark at Logan Square. I never noticed that the front desk of this community looks like it could be in a hotel! Each of my “immersion projects” in senior living communities seems to expose just how detached I have been from the details of my surroundings.

After a business meeting I was able to enjoy cheese steak in the dining room and attend a lecture with the residents in the auditorium. Several people asked me if I was there getting “my eyes worked on”. I learned that The Watermark has a program for people recovering from eye surgery at the Wills Eyes Institute . Combined with the fact that their company slogan is UN Retirement Living, I figure this is a pretty good place to explore some “everyone is aging” thinking!

Many times when I am traveling alone I am either stuck eating at the hotel bar having small talk with the bartender, or eating alone in my room. While I could have done either of these things tonight, it was great to be welcomed to dine with 4 people in a resturant that I have never met before. In addition to their good stories and curiousity about me and my life, they shared with me some impressive programs that they have participated in that link them to youth programs and schools. It would be pretty difficult to replicate this day in a hotel.

Here is a little video I made at the end of my day – definitely going to sleep well tonight!

 

I have been getting a lot of great feedback on the concept of senior living communities opening their doors to travelers! I feel pretty good about stumbling into a concept with such a positive response. Here are a few thoughts and ideas:

Good for economic reasons: Many communities around the country are having occupancy problems due to the challenging real estate market. Several people commented that the studio apartments, which many times are the most difficult for a community to rent to a resident might be ideal for travelers.

Good to share wisdom and connect the residents: Most people I have communicated with about this concept really support the mutual benefit of connecting travelers to residents. This has multiple benefits in addition to giving the community an “ageless” culture.

A great way to "test drive" a retirement community: Let’s face it, most people are a bit intimidated about making the move to a senior living community. If a community that you are interested had a "hotel" program, it could be a great way to get a taste of the community … who knows maybe your kids or grandkids might stay with you too!

It’s better than a hotel: I have discovered first hand that these communities are better neighborhoods that the ones I have lived in through my lifetime. There is no question that they have many features that make them better than the hotels I have stayed in. However, the best benefit is the people that live and work in these neighborhoods - even a traveller passing through for the night has the opportunity to experience the benefits.

I have several friends that take regular business trips out of town and end up staying in the same hotel  in the same city each time. They feel lucky if the bartender is the same and remembers who they are. Imagine the relationships that could be formed if they made their stay at a retirement community instead! It would take a traveler with the right mindset, but they would be rewarded tremendously.

Tomorrow I head up to The Watermark at Logan Square to play around with the concept a bit. As always I will try to share my thoughts and insights.

 

I have a business trip to Philadelphia planned for next week. Before I could book my hotel room the management at The Watermark at Logan Square invited me to "check in" to their Continuing Care Retirement Community instead.

I have worked hard to make all my moves into other senior living communities as authentic as possible. Although they are temporary moves, I have taken a lot of effort to put myself in a position to feel what it would be like to a permanent resident. I was very concerned that checking into a community as though it was a hotel would not be in alignment with my overall goals.

However, as I thought about it a bit more I began imagine how senior living communities might open their doors to a select group of travelers and deliver benefits to the residents and travelers.

I have some creative ideas on how this might be executed, but I will save those for future posts. My plan is to do a “mini-immersion” on this trip, I will reflect on the travel concept, but I will also be spending a time experiencing the community as if I was a resident.

Stay tuned I will "check in" on Tues, Nov. 18. As always feel free to hit me up with questions, comments, or challenges!

 

I had nice conversation the other day with Cindy Griffiths-Novak the owner of The Belvedere Assisted Living, the pioneering assisted living residence that was host to a minor league baseball player this summer.

I was pleased to learn the Cindy is a follower of this blog, and when I asked her if she was planning to host another ball player next season, she replied that some of our postings have inspired her to think about other people or groups that might make ideal "non-traditional" residents. She said that the residents are very excited, especially since the experience with Josh were so positive.

As Cindy started the process of applying to be a host family, she stated “I was a little skeptical. I was concerned about who are we were bringing into the community and the safety of the residents”. She shared that of her thoughts were quelled by the Lake Erie Crushers management and how much screening they do for their host families and players. The Crushers instill in the players how important their behavior is in the community on and off the field. “The safety of our residents in my primary concern.”

Cindy stated, “I really wanted a married player because I figured it would minimize the potential of a wild single ball player disrupting the community.”

Cindy said that Josh and his wife really embraced the situation. “I don’t know a lot of young people that honor and respect elders like Josh did. He is a really smart kid and is the cream of the crop. It was his sensitivity and the way he was raised that made it a great experience.”

In the end, the experience exceeded everything Cindy ever imagined. “Baseball is as intergenerational as it gets.”

“We called Josh the rock star because the residents would gather around him anytime he was in the community. However, when Josh was in his apartment the residents and staff honored his privacy and gave him his downtime.”

Cindy has worked in senior living and long term care for many years, in addition to The Belvedere, her family has owns several long-term care centers. Over the years Cindy has been frustrated at all the negative stories in the media surrounding the long-term care industry, “It has always been my goal to try and get some of the positive stories out there.”

Cindy had some more great news; she just found out that Ohio Assisted Living Association will be presenting her with an award at their annual conference this year. 

I am honored to have made the connection to Cindy. With her passion and leadership, I am confident that there will be many more positive stories coming out of The Belvedere in the future!

 

You might be getting tired of all my references to Josh Faiola(pictured here with the Cindy Griffiths-Novak and her family, the owners of The Belvedere Assisted Living) on this blog! I truly feel that there are so many valuable lessons to learn by reflecting on this story. I have had the good fortune of communicating with Josh after watching the ESPN broadcast on this unique host family. He clearly is an exceptional young man and serves an a fantastic role model for a great program.

What was your first thought when you found out your “host family” was an assisted living community?

Josh: My inital joke to my wife was that they must have thought I still needed rehab for my shoulder surgery.  She said it was because I listed "playing cards" as one of my hobbies.  In all seriousness though, I was definitely surprised to hear that because I had never heard of that happening before.  Most host families have kids and you’re in a basement or a spare bedroom so this was certainly an exception to that stereotype.  I was excited though because I knew it would be another experience that I would have never had without baseball.

 

How did the actual experience confirm or change your perceptions?

Josh: I would definitely have to say that I assumed the facility itself was going to feel like you were in a hospital and I was more than pleasantly suprised when I saw that was not even close to the feeling you get when you are in The Belvedere.  It feels like each room is a little condo and every room has a porch light above the door.  Most of the rooms even have little "porches" outside the front door where they have rocking chairs and benches.  The food there was also a lot better than I expected it would be.  The cooks work hard to put out a good variation of meals for the residents and I definitely enjoyed that while I was there.  I felt like it was going to be hard for me to not feel like an intruder no matter what they said but that wasn’t even close to the truth.  The residents and staff were more than welcoming and made me feel like I was a part of their community.

 

Do you have any thoughts about the concept of young people living in senior living communities?

Josh: I think that it would be a great idea as long as those young people realized what an interesting situation and opportunity it would be for them.  If someone was just looking for a place to live and not inteact, then they shouldn’t live in a senior community because they wouldn’t really get the full effect.  It’s the people who live and work at these places that make them such a fun place to be.  I do think that there was a positive impact on the residents of the Belvedere from having a young person around.  It was another way of expanding their lives and horizons outside of the confines of the Belvedere and anytime you can do that it is a good thing.  It’s a good thing for all of us.

What is your fondest memory from living at The Belvedere?

Josh: I’ve gotten that question numerous times and I just can’t put my finger on one single thing.  I enjoyed getting to know each of the residents and learning about their lives.  Watching the show, I found myself smiling when they showed the residents doing their various things.  I feel like I have a fond memory with each of the residents and the staff there which makes it hard to choose just one.  The overall experience was awesome and something that I’ll always cherish.

How did you perceive the residents felt about having a younger person in their “age restricted” environment?

Josh: Like I said before, I feel like the residents enjoyed having a younger person there.  I think there’s some enjoyment just from having a new person move into the facility but to also have that person be such a different demographic made it even more interesting.  I hope that it brought them back to fond memories of their younger days because they all led such interesting lives.

How do you feel your host family setting provided a different experience than your teammates in a more traditional setting?

Josh: I feel like the main difference between the experience of my host family setting and the traditional setting mostly lies in the number of people that I was able to come to know there.  Even in a traditional setting, you gain great friendships with your host family, it’s just that my host family had about 30-40 more people than normal thanks to  the residents, staff, and my main host family, Steve, Cindy, Ellie, and Zack.  Also, I might have learned a few more life lessons in my situation than I would have in a standard situation because I basically had 30 grandparents while I was there and we all know that as long as you’re willing to listen, you’ll always learn something from your grandparents.

Do you think this is something that should be replicated and repeated in other teams and settings?

Josh: I definitely think that this is something that should be replicated.  I’ve actually heard of a couple other guys who’ve done this too but apparently didn’t get nearly as much press as our story received.  It’s a situation that anyone running a team or having a similar need should explore when trying to place a person in temporary housing.

I read that you are working as a teacher, have you thought about ways you might integrate elders or senior living into your classroom?

Josh: I’m actually just a substitute teacher so I don’t get much say in what I do in the classroom.  It’s a cool idea that teachers should try to explore though.

 

Lyman Orton recently made a great comment on blog entry #99  related to a retirement community in Florida that is evicting a young girl due to the communities covenants.

Lyman says "It seems clear, and logical, that Kimberly’s well being is best served by remaining with her grandparents, not to be evicted and be forced to live with strangers (foster parents)when she has loving and competent blood relatives who have cared for her most of her life."

I completely agree, and this is a great time to share a video of a community that addresses all of these issues in a positive manner. Its called Hope Meadows and it combines foster children, families and elders together instead of separating them.  From their website:

Hope Meadows is a place where children, adoptive parents and surrogate grandparents develop supportive relationships capable of healing the hurts of abuse and neglect - a place where three generations care for and learn from each other. 

 

Of course, all of the people in favor of Kimberly leaving that are living in the Florida retirement community might prefer that "strangers" are caring for them in their own time of need, as opposed to capable  family or friends.

I do a lot of pondering on this blog about how we can create communities that accept and take care of all ages as an alternative to segregating by age. Take a look at this Today Show video clip to see the alternative that we are living with in countless communities across the country.

This is a great opportunity for the homeowners association and any governing bodies that seem to be attached this legalized form of segregation to broaden the definition of this community by allowing an exception(s).

I wonder if Kimberly Broffman is really a problem to the community? Does she make too much noise playing by herself outside? I wonder how many other residents watch her and wish they could have their grandchildren living with them too?

I am concerned that if this “law” is enforced in the favor of the community it can really continue to move us away from equality and will just promote ageism. This situation is ripe for some creative thinking and a positive solution!

 

It was great to watch last night’s broadcast on ESPN of Josh Faiola, the minor league pitcher that found himself suddenly living in an assisted living residence instead of a traditional "host family" residence. It was great to see and hear Josh, Cindy and the residents of the community that I have been such a raving fan of!

I have been in communication with Josh and Cindy Griffiths-Novak the owner of The Belvedere of Westlake. I wanted to see the video before I interviewed them, feel free to hit me with any questions or ideas that you would like answered.

Take a look at this video that displays playgrounds designed for the "elderly" in Japan. I am trying to avoid saying that these are playgrounds for the "elderly". I think these playgrounds could serve everyone from children, to athletes stretching before a long run, to people with disabilities, and yes … the elderly.

Because I have two small children I am hitting the playgrounds regularly. Climbing on the equipment is fun and healthy even at 43 years old. I know I wouldn’t be doing it if I wasn’t there with my kids, which is sad. I suppose we stop doing this because our culture views an adult as childish to play around on a swingset.

Playgrounds are fun and a great community gathering places for everyone. Sometimes their design and location doesn’t facilitate a diverse population using the space. The urban playground Asa and I visited near the Residence at Thomas Circle is an exception, the layout, location, and amenities in the park helped to bring a diverse group of people together.

Although Japan’s playgrounds that were designed for "children" are underutilized now, in this country we don’t seem to be having that problem. Perhaps our playgrounds can be the setting that will help connect the generations and break down the stigmas associated with age?

I have probably referenced the story of Josh Faiola on this blog more than anything else. It’s well deserved because it clearly illustrates the benefits to breaking the age barrier in senior living communities to provide residents with purpose and provide all of us with the benefits of an ageless home.

Here is a link to one of my previous posts

Here is some copy from the ESPN announcement

E-60 news program on Tuesday, Oct. 27, at 7 p.m. ET.

ESPN’s award-winning primetime newsmagazine E:60 will feature the heartwarming story of a minor league baseball player who brightened the lives of some senior citizens….

Like many young men, Josh Faiola is chasing his dream of one day playing Major League Baseball. After his release from the Baltimore Orioles organization this spring, Faiola caught on with the Lake Erie Crushers (Avon, Ohio) of the independent Frontier League. Because the league’s players are paid so little, most players live with local host families who volunteer to take a player into their home for the summer. But Faiola’s found a different kind of host family – an assisted living facility with 28 senior citizens with an average age of 83. E:60 follows Faiola and the residents of the facility through the summer, documenting one young man chasing his baseball dream, and the effect that dream had on his new family of surrogate grandparents.

I was reading my last post, specifically my statement

"The bottom line is that is to a 6-year-old it doesnt matter where they are - if they get the chance to spend a week with their Mom and/or Dad its a pretty special thing!"

The night before our "move" both of my kids were practically arguing over who was going to move to the retirement community with daddy. It will be interesting to see what lies ahead for us as a family - will these two children someday be discussing where dad will be living without them? Will the two kids that wanted to spend every hour with me in a retirement community someday be dreading a weekly visit to my senior living home?

I ponder this because I talk to so many people who are faced with this scenario (parents and children). I wonder how they viewed time with their parents at age 6? When did they turn the corner in the way they view time with their parents?

I know these are gross generalizations, in fairness, I also hear stories of wonderful examples of parent/child relationships that span a lifetime and address eldercare in positive and creative ways. However, it feels that the "drop the parents off" scenario seems to outweigh the alternative sometimes!