Everyone is Aging Blog

“The generation gap is an immensely misleading term. It implies that people from different generations are inherently different whereas people within a generation are inherently similar.”

This quote is from a University of Michigan student, and is just one of the good “nuggets” from the book Aging Awakenings: Assisted Living Residents Teach University Students to Overcome Ageism by Richard C. Adelman, Ph.D. which details the thoughts, ideas, and transitions of students and residents involved in an innovative program that engages college students and the residents of a senior living community.

The book details a research project that studied the thoughts and views of over 60 students at the University of Michigan. The project first had students share their thoughts on aging, which not surprisingly revealed a bias towards stereotypes that most of the elderly have cognitive and physical challenges, and that the majority of the elderly have conservative and stubborn mindsets, etc. Then each of the students engaged in a year long program where they were matched up with residents of University Living.

At the end of the program it was fairly conclusive that the experience debunked the majority of the previously held stereotypes. Every student that previously regarded the elderly as conservative, or felt that the elderly did not have the ability to learn new things before they entered the program had discarded those viewpoints at the end.

What’s’ even more exciting is the new things that the student learned from their relationships in the senior community. They overwhelmingly reported that they admired the elder’s skills in conflict resolution, their insights on death, and to many students a big surprise was that they found their insights on love and sex tremendously helpful.

I found many of the insights in this book in alignment with my own experiences in senior living communities and many of the thoughts that we discuss on this blog. Armed with the mindset that “everyone is aging”, it will be exciting to see how the students that participated in this program can help change the world and views of aging. Lets hope that programs like this will soon be required courses on campuses across the county – and imagine the all the great engagement with elders that can take place if that happens.

I highly recommend this book to staff and management of senior living communities, it should help them think differently about the value of the residents and an example of engagement with the community in a positive way.

Click here to order the book

 

I have been legally blind in one eye since birth. This summer I became totally blind in that eye due to a cataract. Since I have never had clear vision I didn’t think it would effect me that much, but it has. Because of my unique situation my Ophthalmologist was hesitant to perform surgery.

Last week I traveled to a premier medical center for an appointment with a doctor that has a lot of experience with difficult cataracts. The first “funny” thing that happened was what I saw when I walked into the medical center. If I didn’t know I was in a hospital I would swear that I had just walked into a bank lobby. It truly looked like they were able to get a deal on furniture and fixtures from a failing bank!

After completing enough paperwork and searches on my insurance to qualify for a fixed rate jumbo loan I headed up for my exam.

I was pleased to see a copy of AARP magazine in the waiting room. Since I am 44 years old, I can’t technically join AARP, therefore my only opportunity to read the magazine is at my in-laws house or in the doctor’s office. That’s the second "funny" thing, that the publisher of a "retirement" magazine and a guy that has spend several weeks in senior living communities doesnt get a subscription to AARP.

The editors note in the February issue was great, Nancy Perry Graham introduced me to the term, “chronological racism” when telling a story about her AARP colleagues attending a Springsteen concert wearing their AARP tee shirts. Ironically, I can accuse AARP of chronological racism by not letting someone like me (under 50) join their group!   It’s a shame because the articles and resources are really good no matter what your age.

So how does all this tie into the blog? This issue also featured an article on 10 individuals who inspire to make the world a better place. I am pleased that they featured Brenda Krause Eheart, the founder of Hope Meadows which is one of the Everyone Is Aging Honor Roll members.

Oh, almost forgot to mention, my surgery is scheduled for March 10th!

When I run into readers of this blog, usually the question comes up, "What ever happened to the little girl in the retirement community?" The little girl is Kimberly Broffman, the 6-year-old grandaughter of residents living in an age-restricted retirement community in Florida. The homeowners association of the community is in a brutal battle with the family and the potential that Kimberly might be assigned to a foster family is a real threat.

The good news is that the family is still together, and according to this article the family received some well wishes and support in the form of gifts from neighbors, care groups and school faculty during this holiday season. Hopefully the Broffmans will either sell their home or the homeowners association will make an important exception in the near future, we will keep you updated on this one!

Here is the video that will make you question the concept of age restricted living!

Lyman Orton recently made a great comment on blog entry #99  related to a retirement community in Florida that is evicting a young girl due to the communities covenants.

Lyman says "It seems clear, and logical, that Kimberly’s well being is best served by remaining with her grandparents, not to be evicted and be forced to live with strangers (foster parents)when she has loving and competent blood relatives who have cared for her most of her life."

I completely agree, and this is a great time to share a video of a community that addresses all of these issues in a positive manner. Its called Hope Meadows and it combines foster children, families and elders together instead of separating them.  From their website:

Hope Meadows is a place where children, adoptive parents and surrogate grandparents develop supportive relationships capable of healing the hurts of abuse and neglect - a place where three generations care for and learn from each other. 

 

Of course, all of the people in favor of Kimberly leaving that are living in the Florida retirement community might prefer that "strangers" are caring for them in their own time of need, as opposed to capable  family or friends.

I do a lot of pondering on this blog about how we can create communities that accept and take care of all ages as an alternative to segregating by age. Take a look at this Today Show video clip to see the alternative that we are living with in countless communities across the country.

This is a great opportunity for the homeowners association and any governing bodies that seem to be attached this legalized form of segregation to broaden the definition of this community by allowing an exception(s).

I wonder if Kimberly Broffman is really a problem to the community? Does she make too much noise playing by herself outside? I wonder how many other residents watch her and wish they could have their grandchildren living with them too?

I am concerned that if this “law” is enforced in the favor of the community it can really continue to move us away from equality and will just promote ageism. This situation is ripe for some creative thinking and a positive solution!

 

I hope that one of the benefits to having my six year old son with me during this move will be seeing the community from his perspective.

So, without further adieu, I would like to introduce you to Asa who will share some of his perspective with you in this brief video.

As you can see, Asa has a pretty "pure" perspective that is untouched by the modern stigma of aging!

Just like my last move, I will record a video every evening sharing insights on the day. I am excited to have Asa along with me, I think that his insights might be much more relevant than mine!

Take a glimpse at how the stigma of aging has impacted how many of us "older people" view growing older. This is a clip from a documentary film titled CUT BACK: facing ageism.

The entire movie can be watched on producer Patricia Sahertian’s You Tube channel. It’s very well done and I will definitely be referencing some of the segments in future posts!

I certainly know that my "projects" are artificial in many aspects. So when I learn about someone who is breaking down walls and living some of the concepts that we are discussing here its exciting. We just conducted an interview for an article in our next edition, I had to post this short video of "Kit", a 53 year old attorney who is a wheelchair user and lives in the same community as her parents. Great stuff!

If you want to access a 7 minute video that details their story in more depth, click here.

No, this isn’t another immersion project. This time it’s the real thing. Since Sunday evening I have been in and out of the hospital three times and then admitted. I have a strange rash/infection/fever that just can’t be explained. My fever has broken, so my wife brought me my computer for a truly unique blogging experience!

As I get closer to three days in the hospital I now have a bit of a different perspective on what the transition to a nursing home must feel like. When I think about not having the opportunity to return back to my home, but being discharged directly to a nursing home it’s a bit overwhelming. I can see how “off kilter” one can be when making this transition with health factors and the lack of planning and preparedness for the transition. Talk about not getting off on the right foot! It really makes me see how important it is for us to be a “guide” to those making these transitions and try to put ourselves in the situation first-hand.

What Hospitals and Disney World have in common.

Based on my experience and previous experiences in hospitals I have a few thoughts about what these two vastly different places have in common.

At Disney you are constantly waiting in lines for rides and attractions. One of the techniques they use to make this more tolerable is different “stages” of the lines. You might enter an attraction that appears to have a very short line, only to discover you still have another line to wait in! At each of the “stages” of the line Disney provides entertainment build the anticipation that you are almost there!

In the Hospital you are also waiting, but not in lines that you can visually see. You feel like you are getting on the “ride” when you are “chosen” to leave the waiting room, but just like Disney you aren’t there yet! As various health care professionals come in to ask you questions or fill out paperwork you can feel that anticipation that you are almost there but it’s just another “stage”. Many times it feels as though they are timed to visit you at the point when you are truly ready to leave the hospital and take your chances with over the counter medicine, but they regain your confidence that you are almost on the “ride”.

Finally the Doctor comes and you are on the “ride”, but only if you are lucky! More than likely the doc will need more information, a test, or have to take a phone call … but you feel much better because you actually got to see the ride … I mean Doctor!

My observations are not meant to be disparaging to hospitals or the medical profession. Looking at my emergency room visits through this lens helped make the stressful and confusing experience more fun and tolerable.

One other thing both places have in common – they do a great job of taking your money!

 

Once again Jason Popko really got me thinking with his comment on my last post!

When I look at my kids aged 3 and 6 sleeping in their car seats, I am a bit envious. Their seats look incredibly comfortable with extra padding and an ergonomic design to hug your little ones body. These seats make sleeping in a car look better than a bed!. I would definitely pay extra money to have an adult sized car seat on my next cross country flight!

Stroller design is following the same track. The current strollers on the market are also designed with attention to safety and the comfort of the child. Strollers are also designed with special attention to the parent offering adjustable positioning, padding, and countless features designed for ease and convenience.

So what are strollers? They are wheelchairs for people who can’t walk YET. 

So what COULD wheelchairs be? They could be strollers for people who have difficulty walking.  

Most of these people CAN talk, they CAN reason, and they HAVE a history and stories to tell.  When you are strolling with one of these people you have the potential for a rich dialogue and a learning experience.

After making my last post I was reminded that Home Depot recently announced that they had to drop out of the Olympic Jobs Opportunities Program, click here for the story.

How ideal would it be for a community to have a few olympic athletes in training that were living and potentially working in a community. The benefits to the athlete and the residents could be endless.

If you have been following my blog you should know that my feeling on what really needs to be changed in senior living is to have younger people living (not working or visiting) alongside the elders. Less segregation by age and ability.

Take a look at this story about a minor league baseball player who got "placed" in an assisted living community instead of the more typical host family scenario.

This story illustrate the importance of purpose in all of our lives. Look at how one small change to this community has given new purpose to the entire community. Its exciting to see how the stigma of this community has changed by simply adding one new resident.

This quote from the article says alot about the state of senior living, but it also says alot about how easy it is for us to change our "system".

Eighty-four-year-old Meda Dennis, who has been living in the center for four years, said Faiola’s arrival is the most exciting thing to happen since a good Elvis impersonator showed up.

"It’s been quite exciting because he’s young and new and interesting and we’re old," she joked.

Josh and his teammates think he is lucky because he has a nice apartment with a washer and dryer, but simply by moving in he has given an entire community new purpose. The support and love that he will recieve by delivering such a gift should have his teammates wanting to sleep in the hallways to grasp on to some of that mojo!

Why should this stop with one resident? What if we reversed the scenario and created a "dormitory" for minor league players that also happens to be the home for some elders as well. Can you imagine the reception that a new player would receive on move in day when he is being sent down from the majors or his first day in a new city? Better yet, put the community right next to the ballfield and let the elders help with the stadium operations! Now its not a "old folks home" anymore, its a vibrant and unique community where the residents support each other and have a purpose.

Josh is a headline grabbing story, that I have no doubt is being discussed in a few Hollywood boardrooms as I type.  I hope that every minor league sports team starts looking at the senior living communities in their area for similar placements for their players.  The same thing can be accomplished with the integration of less noteable residents.Think of all the other programs that might be created for exchange students, foster children, college interns, business people on extended projects, individuals going through a divorce or separation could provide residents with purpose and benefit from the wisdom and support of the elders.

Cindy Griffiths-Novak the catalyst of this project is my hero!

As a follow up to one of my previous posts, I recently attended a hearing loss support group that was organized by the Northern Virginia Resource Center for Deaf and Hard of Hearing.  The attendees were all residents of Goodwin House Alexandria a continuing care retirement community. Several of the attendees had hearing aids, some were concerned about hearing loss and gathering information, and some were living with people that had hearing loss.

After a few people shared their challenges of hearing loss, I was reminded that I had been in “similar place” that they were describing many times … in the swimming pool!

I love swimming laps, however I am legally blind in one eye (and have very poor uncorrected vision in the other) and due to a nasty ear ache problem I also use earplugs. I really like the formalized workouts that a Master’s Swim Team can offer, but even with prescription goggles it’s hard to clearly see the facial expressions of the other swimmers in between sets, and with the ear plugs it’s hard to hear them too! Consequently, I tend to be withdrawn and less engaged at these workouts because I can’t “be myself”. It’s frustrating because these workouts are really are a great opportunity to socialize with some like-minded people!

This is what individuals with hearing loss face on a daily basis. This is especially common in environments with background noise. I am now much more aware of just how much background noise exists, especially in “social” environments like barbeques, happy hours, parties, sporting events, etc. Several of the attendees at the support group cited that they have had to avoid these types of events entirely. When they do attend events like this it can be “exhausting” because of the effort that it takes to engage in conversation, or having to slide into the background when everyone else is having a great time.

One of the things that I learned is that hearing aids are not like glasses. They generally don’t return someone’s hearing to “normal” however they can work well to enhance our ability to hear. All the attendees with hearing aids cited that they still struggle with background noise.  I have been guilty of talking to someone with a hearing aid and assuming that they might hear “better” than me! I am grateful to have a different perspective now! You can also see why hearing loss is sometimes referred to as an "invisible condition".

Support group leader, Bonnie O’Leary let each of us share our challenges and questions. Many questions we related to hearing aids and assistive technology. She had several samples. One of the most dramatic examples was an assisted listening device (PockeTalker Pro - pictured to the left) that several of the attendees with and without hearing aids tried out. This device was basically a microphone that a person you are talking to would hold and the person with hearing loss wears a small earphone. I wish I had a picture to share with you of one of the men using this device … it was like he received a present, and he was wearing a hearing aid!

Once again I am discovering that I can better understand and relate to the emotion that individuals face by immersing myself in a particular transition and strive to have a perspective of hearing loss being something that affects “me” instead of “them”.  Expect some more posts on this topic in the future!

 

I was really excited to have made a connection several months ago through this blog with an innovative architect named David Dillard who is President of CSD Architects.

In an effort provide better design and build in a more responsive manner, David’s firm is sending each member of its senior living architectural design team (approx. 36 architects) to stay overnight in a variety of senior living communities across the country. They have titled this as the “Sleepover Project”.  The “sleepers” will spend their time on site fully and physically experiencing what it’s like to be a resident in that community.  Upon arrival, the Sleeper will be assigned a specific medical condition and will then assume the limitations of that condition and experience a simulated version of its treatment and care.  Conditions may range from a stroke victim having partial paralysis to an Alzheimer’s patient receiving Memory Care.  Sleepers will participate in the community’s daily life for a full 24 hour period, and the varying levels of service and activities will accommodate their condition and corresponding lifestyle.”

David kicked off this project by “sleeping over” at a nursing center in Los Altos, CA. He shared his journal entry with me and I loved reading this statement, “In the big scheme of things, even the PERFECT building won’t matter THAT much.  Just as the perfect school building does not guarantee a perfect education, nor the perfect hospital healing, in the end it’s not about the architecture.  It is about the players within them – the students, the teachers, the patients, and the doctors - the people.”  I love his comparison to the players in a school. I have found some of my most profound thoughts come from comparing our system of elder services to our education and youth services. There is a stark difference from the stigma of these two worlds, yet they are both tremendously important to our progression as a society. I agree that the architecture pales in comparison to the people, but I am excited that we have designers stepping up to create design that will potentially provide a "better" setting for the us, the people that are living and working in these homes.

David and I both share the same awe for the rich history and wisdom that our fellow residents have and I feel the realization that their stories need to be told and more people need to reach out and connect with these elders.

I applaud the spirit of this project, I hope that more organizations and professionals in a variety of disciplines follow our lead by experiencing the services and settings that are serving "elders" first hand. I still am shaking my head at how easy it is was to detach myself from this process that I was regarded to be an "expert" in.  If architects are building homes for elders that they are not living in themselves or that they are not willing to live in, then we clearly have detachment at the most important process of design. I look forward to seeing the change that David and his team at CSD impose on design with this innovative project. Hopefully the end result will be the creation of "homes" designed for "us" and not for "them".

 

Obviously the guy who stole Ruth Slovenski’s bike was not from the neighborhood. No matter how hardened a criminal he was or desperate for transportation. There is no way he could take that unlocked bike if he knew that her parents gave it to her nearly 70 years ago and she WAS still riding it today!

I know I wrote about the challenges of giving away and letting go of your possessions. Its tough to read a story about someone taking such a unique and functional possession from an elder. As a cyclist myself, I get strangly attached to bikes I have ridden for only one season … now multiply that by 70! Read the story here

I have made several presentations to groups on my project recently. Last week I presented the project to a group of about 170 social workers, senior-serving and health care professionals at the annual Social Work Luncheon held at Vinson Hall in Mclean, VA. 

My presentation was taped and edited into 3 digestable segments.

Segment 1 - Introduction, Inspiration, Everyone Is Aging, The 7 P’s, Perspective, Possessions

Segment 2 - Pricing, Proximity, Purpose, People, Positive Attitude

Segment 3 - The Stigma of Aging, Questions

I love getting feedback and comments, they have pushed my view of the world into areas I couldn’t have reached by myself. I thank everyone for their feedback and I encourage you to use this as a platform for discussion.

I stumbled on a blog that had a some interesting insights on my project. Here are some of my thoughts:

“Gurney is 43, he is not 88. He has not necessarily had the full life experience many of the residents in these facilities have had.”

I view the opportunity to live together with people who have much more wisdom than me as a tremendous privilege. I don’t think that there is anyone that I met that would complain about having people living with them that don’t share the same life experiences. I think it’s a shame that so many people living in senior living options could be isolated from youth and those that can learn from their wisdom. I feel having younger people that are living as peers and not staff, family or visitors can add a positive dynamic to the community.

“He may not have the physical disabilities many residents have, or the constant concern that his memory is going bad.”

One of the points of my project was to explore the concept that a retirement community should be a home for “people”, not “older people” or “people with disabilities”. It wasn’t that long ago in our history when we viewed black people and minorities as being inherently different than the “rest of us”. Look at where we have come in a short period of time. The more we can integrate everyone regardless of age and disability, the better the world will be.

"There may be some benefits to noting the transition into a community that you are new to. However to improve our professional understanding of this type of transition, perhaps it is better to ask ‘real’ new residents to journal their own emotions and experiences as they make this transition."

I have interviewed several hundred residents and families on their transition into senior living options in my 20 year career. I definately had knowledge and compassion on transitions, however, once I started this project, I became amazed at how detached I was from the experience.

Reading or talking to someone about their experience skydiving is vastly different than jumping out of a plane yourself. I will probably never jump out of a plane, but if I am lucky I will someday be the same age as many of the people that I met during this experience. I view the opportunity to experience and reflect on the way we care for our elders at this point in my life as an exciting opportunity to influence change.

"Here are some notable differences between what Gurney is experiencing and what real residents may go through… Gurney choose to go into this facility- many others have had the influenced of their family make this decision."

Maybe if more people would experience “senior living” before they are “qualified” as I did, this family dynamic could be minimized. I hope we can begin designing “facilities” that will be more appealing homes to people of all ages and abilities.

"Gurney can leave and go back to his four bedroom house, other residents may permanently downsized never to see many of their belongings again, also some may feel this is where they will inevitability die."

This project made me realize that my belongings are not nearly as important as I thought they were, I would trade any of them for a new friend, time with my family, or a life experience. It also made me realize that I could die or be disabled at any age, so I could be living in my last home right now … but I don’t refer or view to it that way and neither does our society. However, nearly everyone seems to view retirement, assisted and nursing homes as a persons last home and a place where they go when they can no longer …

"Many residents may feel abandoned by their family, yet Gurney is at the age where he can raise a family, and meet his grandkids."

There are also many people who have outlived their entire family, and there are many people that never had a relationship with their families. I never realized how much the residents of a community cared for each other until I went through this experience. I became much more aware of how we can redefine our definition of “family”. I feel that for every person that might disconnected to children or grandchildren there are probably others in close proximity that would like to be “surrogate” children and grandchildren. How many teenagers feel disconnected and abandoned to their families? What about families going through divorce? These are opportunities to connect the generations!

I know there are flaws with my approach and this project, my goal is to push the envelope and challenge our current definitions of what "community" is.  Responding to these questions helps me see how much opportunity there is in redefining what we call "normal".

I remind everyone that there is nothing academic about my comments and observations, they are just my opinions - I am honored that so many people have started using this project as a platform for discussion online, in their families and workplaces. Thanks!

It was announced recently that the Motion Picture and Television Fund’s Motion Picture and Television Hospital will soon close its doors. Click here for story

I hope that there may be a better solution than specifically grouping people by age and ability in the future. However, if you have to group by "age", I really like the idea "enthusiast/theme" oriented communities. There are already communities for retirement military, gay and lesbian, colleges are catering to their alumni. My hope is that in the future there we will communities that bring together cooking enthusiasts, specific sports teams, hobbies, professions, etc. I feel that these communities would be magnets for younger people with the same passion who would visit/live to learn from their elders which could lead to a more "ageless" culture.

It’s hard to believe in this age of celebrity and paparazzi culture that this nursing and rehab center would be closing, hopefully the future bring a community that celebrates elders in the arts.

"The research, done at the University of Virginia, indicates that our mental abilities begin to decline from the age of 27, after reaching a peak at 22." Click here for story

Alot of my comments and observations have been related to the stigma of aging in our society. I was really pleased to learn about a study that was recently published in the March issue of Psychological Science.

Click here for an article related to the study, I thought these excerpts were interesting:

"If people hold more negative views of aging, they may be less likely to walk the extra block or engage in healthy behaviors as they get older," explained study author Becca Levy, an associate professor of epidemiology and psychology at Yale School of Public Health.

and

After adjusting their figures to account for the influence of other factors, the researchers found that 25 percent of those who believed negative age "stereotypes" had experienced heart problems in the 30 years after answering the initial questions. By comparison, the figure was 13 percent in those who believed positive stereotypes about aging.

its definately important to remember genetics and role models might play a role and that

It’s unlikely that simply thinking "happy thoughts" about aging will make people live happily ever after, he said. "Health begets health – when you see healthy older relatives, you are likely to develop a positive view of aging."

I think that this research speaks to alot of the discussion that we have had on the blog!