If you are new to this blog and my project, I put together a “cliff notes” version to get you up to speed.
Introduction
Click here for my letter to the residents, staff and families of Paul Spring
Video that describes my vision for the project
Preadmission paperwork and screening
These two posts summarize the preadmission process
Admissions
Health Screening
Downsizing
Although I didn’t actually move my furnishings in with me, I went through the process of selecting what I would take and the challenges of dealing with the remaining items. I have several posts that discuss this process.
My new apartment
Advise on downsizing from the National Association of Senior Move Managers
I really like this post on my emotional attachment to my crock pot!
Is the emotion of moving is ageless?
Here is a video that walks you through my house and discusses what will move with me
My new home
An exhausting first day transition (includes video)
It’s not a retirement community, it’s a neighborhood
Getting more comfortable in my new home
Learning with my new neighbors
My observations and emotions around dining
Here is a video shot in the shower of my apartment!
Essay on what I learned
I have been intimately involved with senior living communities and services for the last 20 years as the founder and publisher of Guide to Retirement Living SourceBook. In my career I have visited well over 500 communities, had the opportunity to interview and personally help hundreds of individuals, families, and friends who are making choices. This breadth of experience has given me the title of “expert” in the field of aging.
While I know more about these options than most, I had never experienced what its like to move into one first hand. I began to ponder how I could truly be an “expert” without that important perspective.
I shared my idea with the management of Paul Spring Retirement Community, an independent and assisted living community in Alexandria, VA. I was pleased that although I was technically not yet a “senior” that I would be able to live as a guest for a week in the community.
I wanted the primary focus of my move to be fully experiencing the feelings and emotions that one goes through in making the transition from a home they are familiar with, to one that is unfamiliar. In an effort to immerse myself in the experience I would not have contact with my family, work or have a car in the parking lot.
Gaining a new perspective
The journey began over a month before I was going to make the move. I arrived at Paul Spring to complete the same paperwork and procedures that all new residents complete. Although I was intimately familiar with this procedure, I had never filled out my own name of the application or had seen it from this perspective. I was struck with how much I had detached myself from the overwhelming feelings of going through the process. During this visit I was also taken to my apartment, which I had seen hundreds of times before. However, I had never visualized myself living in any of the apartments until now which only helped illustrate my detachment from the process.
Discovering the challenges of downsizing
I returned home to my 4 bedroom house, armed with the floor plan to the 1 bedroom apartment I would be moving to. Although I would not be moving my possessions, I wanted to experience the process first hand. I methodically went through each room and created an inventory of the possessions in our house. I would only be able to take about 13 items of furniture, which would mean I needed to figure out what to do with the hundreds of items that wouldn’t be going with me. The first lesson I learned was that I have a lot of “stuff”! However, the items I would be taking with me are the items that get used on a daily basis. Many times people comment about how small senior living apartments might be, I feel the problem is that we may be living too “large”. The second lesson I learned was how attached I am to seemingly impractical possessions. I learned how this connection is tied to the memories associated with those possessions. My solution is to take photos and video of these items and preserve their memories!
Move-in day!
Even though had plenty of time to mentally prepare for this day, I was struck with how exhausting and overwhelming it was to step into an unfamiliar and new environment. Prior to this move most of my “purpose” in life was tied to my family and my job. Now that these were “gone”, I needed to find new purpose. Fortunately the community offered a robust calendar of activities that I could participate in. It made me feel good that I had a place to be and something to do.
My new purpose of participating in activities led me to the best thing about senior living communities, which is the wonderful people that live there. The more people I met, the more stories I heard, the more I learned, and the more I felt part of the community.
The stigma of aging
Let’s face it; the stigma of aging and senior living communities is generally not a positive one. I fully expected that I might walk away from this experience saying something like, “now I know why people don’t want to move to senior living communities.” I am pleased (and a little surprised) that it’s not the case at all. If there is one element that I could improve, it would be to integrate younger able-bodied residents into communities. I saw first-hand the benefits to being part of a community for “people”, not “older people” or “people with disabilities”.
Neighbors that care about each other
I experienced something that I never realized in all of my visits to senior living residences. I saw just how much the residents care about and care for each other. Don’t get me wrong, staff is very important in these communities, but its amazing at how much the residents help each other out whether or not staff is around for assistance or not.
I was excited to see my family again when I returned home to my “idyllic suburban neighborhood”. However, I was struck with how lonely and isolated I felt. I had been living in a neighborhood where I had close proximity to things I needed, most importantly easy access to interesting neighbors that truly cared about each other. I guess I expected to find some flaws in retirement living with my project, but I think I found more flaws in the modern suburban neighborhood and the way I am living my life right now.
I have lots more lessons and insights that I gained from this experience, I was able to synthesize my thoughts about the experience into what I call the 8 Ps of making a transition. These include: Perspective, Purpose, People, Positive Attitude, Pricing, Possessions, Proximity and Power
OK. Some of my wards enter the nursing home from a hospital, having left behind an apartment that they have lived in for several years where they were incapable of keeping order. Everything jumbled, piled high, mountains of junk. What do I look for for their next stages of life in the nursing home? How do I choose what clothing to take? Mementos? Pillows? Teddy bears? A life reduced to scraps. The person barely remembers having lived anywhere else than where they are now (in the hospital). When they arrive at the nursing home, they think they have lived there forever.
Did you encounter being denuded of all memory of what has happened to you? Or other residents for whom that was the reality?
And then within weeks having all of your clothing dispersed among all of the residents because the laundry service can’t keep anyone’s clothing together.
The key is the complete disconnectedness from all of one’s prior life. A penumbral memory, at best. A memory, on the way to the doctor, of having lived in a neighborhood. Long ago.
What does a 43-year old guy do for fun in a retirement community?
Fun is ageless! Unfortunately there is a culture out there that elders might not define fun the same way as young people and vice versa. I think that this is something that needs to change, by engaging multiple generations in together there is more viewpoints, learning, wisdom and the transfer of history. It makes for more fun for everyone! What’s really fun? Meeting interesting people … I hope my writing communicates how much fun I had doing this - its something I hope to continue for the rest of my life!
Steve! So good to find your blog … and especially your tale of living at Paul Spring. I lived there off and on while doing Corp. Marketing for the company with my son who was 8 at the time. He LOVED it! Until they told him no more skateboarding in the hall (!!).
Hope you are well–stay OUT Of the hospital. I’m still producing legal television for stations in the NE, and we’ve had stories about cases like yours over the years. Scary stuff.
Valerie
I appreciate you making the list of what you needed to get rid of and what you were to keep for a move. I think it is important to realize that as older adults have to make the decisions it can be further complicated as material items begin to hold more memories as they represent memories of people who are no longer in their lives. Although at 51 it would be hard for me to select my items to keep and what to leave, my children, husband, siblings, close friends are still living. I may have a favorite piece of jewelry that was my grandmothers but as my ‘convoy’ of relationships are still active in my life the material items in my life do not hold as much significance for me as they might for someone who no longer has a living convoy of relationships.
The Assisted Living Federation of America has just added “Everyone is Ageing” to its’ blog roll on ALFA Re:source (http://alfa-resource.org/)! We hope that you will read our blog as well!
Great project, Steve! I just finished a brief report on seniors living in assisted living facilities along the transit lines in Montgomery, AL, and how absolutely isolated they are from the rest of the community. I haven’t come across it yet in your blog, but please post your experience with having to rely on public transportation to get around town. I’m trying to garner support for these seniors in my community and I’d love some additional feedback on what would make that situation better for them.
Thanks, Robyn Rhymes Montgomery, Alabama
Hello Steve! I stumbled across your blog through my job and was fascinated by your project. I am a 30 year old woman (not ready to retire as of yet) who loves to read on different topics and I have to say that your project really gave me something to think about for my future. I think that most people my age is not really thinking about retirement or what will happen during that time however; it is a very important subject to think about and also thinking where, when and how. Thank you for sharing your project; it was very insightful!
Dear Steve,
I realize that your idea, which I thought was a very noble one, was to experience the change of residence from a senior point of view ..however…you knew throughout the experience that you were going home.
As a former Activities Director, I lived the day to day of it with all of my residents..who were not going “home”.
Linda,
This issue has been raised to me countless times since I have started this journey.
For the last 20 years all I have done is IMAGINED what it might be like to make this transition. Sure I helped thousands of people, held hands and was a shoulder to cry on - but it wasn’t ME making the transition.
In both projects, I did the best I could to slip into an authentic role of a resident. While it might not be perfect I came away with a new perspective and insights that I have tried to share here that eluded me in my 20 year career as a so-called “expert”.
I am curious at your statement that you “lived day to day”. Did you “live” in the community while you worked there?
To clarify, I have never said I was trying to experience a “senior point of view”. My primary objective is to show that age should not be something that we use to segregate or sterotype individuals. We should celebrate everyones individuality and life experience. The way I did this is by experiencing these “homes” as an able-bodied 43 year old.
My hope is that someday the “homes” that care for our elders will be the same place that a 43 year old would also call “home”.