Everyone is Aging Blog

After posting my last entry about the generation gap, I came across this CBS News video clip of a grandmother that is hitting the European club scene as a DJ. Great stuff!

“The generation gap is an immensely misleading term. It implies that people from different generations are inherently different whereas people within a generation are inherently similar.”

This quote is from a University of Michigan student, and is just one of the good “nuggets” from the book Aging Awakenings: Assisted Living Residents Teach University Students to Overcome Ageism by Richard C. Adelman, Ph.D. which details the thoughts, ideas, and transitions of students and residents involved in an innovative program that engages college students and the residents of a senior living community.

The book details a research project that studied the thoughts and views of over 60 students at the University of Michigan. The project first had students share their thoughts on aging, which not surprisingly revealed a bias towards stereotypes that most of the elderly have cognitive and physical challenges, and that the majority of the elderly have conservative and stubborn mindsets, etc. Then each of the students engaged in a year long program where they were matched up with residents of University Living.

At the end of the program it was fairly conclusive that the experience debunked the majority of the previously held stereotypes. Every student that previously regarded the elderly as conservative, or felt that the elderly did not have the ability to learn new things before they entered the program had discarded those viewpoints at the end.

What’s’ even more exciting is the new things that the student learned from their relationships in the senior community. They overwhelmingly reported that they admired the elder’s skills in conflict resolution, their insights on death, and to many students a big surprise was that they found their insights on love and sex tremendously helpful.

I found many of the insights in this book in alignment with my own experiences in senior living communities and many of the thoughts that we discuss on this blog. Armed with the mindset that “everyone is aging”, it will be exciting to see how the students that participated in this program can help change the world and views of aging. Lets hope that programs like this will soon be required courses on campuses across the county – and imagine the all the great engagement with elders that can take place if that happens.

I highly recommend this book to staff and management of senior living communities, it should help them think differently about the value of the residents and an example of engagement with the community in a positive way.

Click here to order the book

 

Last week the residents of Sunrise at Bluemont Park and the second grade students from Ashlawn Elementary School had an opportunity participate together in a truly unique intergenerational activity.

The retirement community residents and school children had been corresponding with each other as “pen pals” but had never met in person. When they finally got together to meet in person, they all engaged in a drum circle at the senior living community. Take a look at the brief video I shot of the children and elders:

If you follow this blog, you know I am a huge fan of Alan Yellowitz and the unique brand of activities that his company, The Beat Goes On provides to a rapidly growing number of senior living communities. Alan facilitates drum circles in communities; see my previous post and a video of another one of his “sessions”.

This afternoon I moderated a discussion featuring Dr. Judah Ronch and Dr. Bill Thomas at my alma-mater UMBC. The session focused on the challenges of eldercare in the workplace.

I had a moment of clarity in the session regarding the similarities between being a working parent with young children and being a working caregiver for an elder. Since most of the attendees were parents, this seemed to be a fitting comparison.

I reflected on how I have personally been caught dozens of times over the years without a caregiver (babysitter) for my children and left with the only option of taking them into the office with me. As well behaved as they can be, this generally leads to a disruption in the workplace and very little work gets done by me or anyone else when my kids are in the office.

I rarely hear about employers or employees inviting aging parents into the workplace. However, in theory it makes a lot of sense. These are individuals that possess years of wisdom and they might actually volunteer to contribute to the productivity during their stay! I think most parents would also be very interested in seeing their children at work

Since Take Your Sons and Daughters to Work Day is celebrated every year on April 22nd, I think that the creation of a Take an Elder to Work Day certainly makes a lot of sense.

 

I don’t have a crystal ball reading on the future of social media, but I do see a tremendous benefit to a platform like Facebook in preserving each of our own personal histories. These personal histories can be invaluable to families and friends as we celebrate the passing of our loved ones in the future.

Facebook is still less than 10 years old; it offers us all an easy-to-use “journal” of ones thoughts, travels and life events. If you are a regular user of the platform, just imagine the “story” that 20, 30 or 40 years of entries could tell about you or someone you care about and could be passed on to future generations.

When you start thinking about it this way it’s easy to imagine a computer monitor at a funeral offering loved ones the opportunity to review and reflect on someone’s life through their Facebook entries, or perhaps a service that could summarize the entries into a biography.

I found some interesting articles with a different take on how social media can enable a person’s memory to continue on even in their death.

• Facebook Funerals/Memorials by Richard Smith


• Story about online memorials, from a person who lost their brother


• Death on Facebook, National Review


• Postmortum Facebook, The Daily Northwestern

Oh yeah, just click on these links to follow me or Guide to Retirement Living SourceBook on Facebook!

Here I am in the middle of the biggest snowstorm the DC area has ever seen. It’s been a lot of fun sledding with my kids and enjoying some of the sweetest cross country skiing I have ever done.

However, it’s been another reminder of how isolating the suburbs can be. My neighbors and I have collectively spent hours shoveling snow to get our vehicles out on the road. In the suburbs our cars are our lifeline to healthcare, food, social opportunities, and much more. Read one of my previous posts on urban retirement.

Many people I talk to are concerned about an elder or someone on their street who might need special attention. These concerns don’t go away when you live in a city, but it can give you easier access to things you need.

Well you might be thinking city life in a snowstorm means you have to miss out on all the great suburban winter fun like sledding and snowball fights? Think again, check out the scene in Dupont Circle just a couple days ago! I wish I could have joined in, but I was shoveling out my car!

Some of my fondest memories are from over 25 years ago when I would ride skateboard from sun up to sun down. Back in those days skateboarding was an underground sport; it’s hard to imagine how mainstream it’s become

This summer I started skateboarding again with some other friends my age that shared this passion from our youth. We would “cruise” on long boards, nothing too extreme. One day on my way back from a meeting at a senior living community I noticed a skateboard park. A few weeks later I had a follow up meeting and threw my long board in the car.

Much to my dismay there were other skaters in the park. I wanted to test out this place solo, and after all I was in my work clothes and riding a board not designed for a skate park! It felt a little like walking into the retirement community 30 years “younger” than I “should” be, instead now was I entering a skateboard park 30 years “older” than I “should” be.

I intentionally avoided the other skaters in the park; much to my surprise a friendly voice welcomed me across the park. When I rolled over I was greeted by a couple of skaters that looked to be my age! One was a 42-year-old attorney named Patti Hurst who stepped on her first skateboard a few years ago and now seems to be an icon in the skate scene across the nation! I found an interview with her, click here.

 

A few minutes riding in the best pool I had ever skated made me feel like I had discovered the fountain of youth! I fell a couple times, ripped my pants, but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face driving to my next meeting.

My eyes have been opened to the huge numbers of others that never gave up skateboarding or returned with similar path as mine. I don’t think many would argue that skateboard parks are a symbol of youth just as retirement communities are a symbol of old age. In this year I guess I have discovered that the sweetest reward can come when you break those barriers.

This evening I attended a public hearing for a skateboard park being built in the town next to mine. Some comments prompted me to say a few words about how important this park could be to the community. After the hearing, a reporter from a local newspaper ran after me in the parking lot to get my name. When I told him my name his response was “I thought that was you! You’re the guy who moved into the retirement community with your son.”

 

I have been legally blind in one eye since birth. This summer I became totally blind in that eye due to a cataract. Since I have never had clear vision I didn’t think it would effect me that much, but it has. Because of my unique situation my Ophthalmologist was hesitant to perform surgery.

Last week I traveled to a premier medical center for an appointment with a doctor that has a lot of experience with difficult cataracts. The first “funny” thing that happened was what I saw when I walked into the medical center. If I didn’t know I was in a hospital I would swear that I had just walked into a bank lobby. It truly looked like they were able to get a deal on furniture and fixtures from a failing bank!

After completing enough paperwork and searches on my insurance to qualify for a fixed rate jumbo loan I headed up for my exam.

I was pleased to see a copy of AARP magazine in the waiting room. Since I am 44 years old, I can’t technically join AARP, therefore my only opportunity to read the magazine is at my in-laws house or in the doctor’s office. That’s the second "funny" thing, that the publisher of a "retirement" magazine and a guy that has spend several weeks in senior living communities doesnt get a subscription to AARP.

The editors note in the February issue was great, Nancy Perry Graham introduced me to the term, “chronological racism” when telling a story about her AARP colleagues attending a Springsteen concert wearing their AARP tee shirts. Ironically, I can accuse AARP of chronological racism by not letting someone like me (under 50) join their group!   It’s a shame because the articles and resources are really good no matter what your age.

So how does all this tie into the blog? This issue also featured an article on 10 individuals who inspire to make the world a better place. I am pleased that they featured Brenda Krause Eheart, the founder of Hope Meadows which is one of the Everyone Is Aging Honor Roll members.

Oh, almost forgot to mention, my surgery is scheduled for March 10th!

When I run into readers of this blog, usually the question comes up, "What ever happened to the little girl in the retirement community?" The little girl is Kimberly Broffman, the 6-year-old grandaughter of residents living in an age-restricted retirement community in Florida. The homeowners association of the community is in a brutal battle with the family and the potential that Kimberly might be assigned to a foster family is a real threat.

The good news is that the family is still together, and according to this article the family received some well wishes and support in the form of gifts from neighbors, care groups and school faculty during this holiday season. Hopefully the Broffmans will either sell their home or the homeowners association will make an important exception in the near future, we will keep you updated on this one!

Here is the video that will make you question the concept of age restricted living!

As I have mentioned, the other communities I have stayed in were independent and assisted living and my accommodations included a full bathroom and kitchen. At first glance my room at Keswick seemed to be equal to most hotels I have stayed in. As I was unpacking my toothbrush in the bathroom, I realized that I didn’t have a shower!

This shouldn’t have been a surprise, because I have been to many nursing homes in my career and very few have rooms with private baths or showers. However, I didn’t bring a robe or anything to cover up on my morning march down the hall! Almost like clockwork a staff member arrived at my room with a gown and toiletries for my stay – like I said it’s a little like a 5 star hotel.

In the morning I headed down the hall for the shower. It was a huge shower with plenty of room, no barriers to entry and the ability to adjust the shower spray in any direction imaginable. If I wasn’t in a hurry, I could have spent a lot more time there. I am a huge proponent of Universal Design, while it might not be feasible for showers and bathrooms to be this large, they should all strive to be accessible. It makes it easier for those with all abilities.

It would be easy to take a negative viewpoint on the experience of having to walk down the hall to take a shower.  However, I have stayed in a few upscale bed and breakfasts where I had to do the same thing.

I know that there are some models of care that are focusing on private baths, and I can see how this will be a great benefit to residents, especially those living in these communities long-term.