Everyone is Aging Blog

Some of my fondest memories are from over 25 years ago when I would ride skateboard from sun up to sun down. Back in those days skateboarding was an underground sport; it’s hard to imagine how mainstream it’s become

This summer I started skateboarding again with some other friends my age that shared this passion from our youth. We would “cruise” on long boards, nothing too extreme. One day on my way back from a meeting at a senior living community I noticed a skateboard park. A few weeks later I had a follow up meeting and threw my long board in the car.

Much to my dismay there were other skaters in the park. I wanted to test out this place solo, and after all I was in my work clothes and riding a board not designed for a skate park! It felt a little like walking into the retirement community 30 years “younger” than I “should” be, instead now was I entering a skateboard park 30 years “older” than I “should” be.

I intentionally avoided the other skaters in the park; much to my surprise a friendly voice welcomed me across the park. When I rolled over I was greeted by a couple of skaters that looked to be my age! One was a 42-year-old attorney named Patti Hurst who stepped on her first skateboard a few years ago and now seems to be an icon in the skate scene across the nation! I found an interview with her, click here.

 

A few minutes riding in the best pool I had ever skated made me feel like I had discovered the fountain of youth! I fell a couple times, ripped my pants, but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face driving to my next meeting.

My eyes have been opened to the huge numbers of others that never gave up skateboarding or returned with similar path as mine. I don’t think many would argue that skateboard parks are a symbol of youth just as retirement communities are a symbol of old age. In this year I guess I have discovered that the sweetest reward can come when you break those barriers.

This evening I attended a public hearing for a skateboard park being built in the town next to mine. Some comments prompted me to say a few words about how important this park could be to the community. After the hearing, a reporter from a local newspaper ran after me in the parking lot to get my name. When I told him my name his response was “I thought that was you! You’re the guy who moved into the retirement community with your son.”

 

I have been legally blind in one eye since birth. This summer I became totally blind in that eye due to a cataract. Since I have never had clear vision I didn’t think it would effect me that much, but it has. Because of my unique situation my Ophthalmologist was hesitant to perform surgery.

Last week I traveled to a premier medical center for an appointment with a doctor that has a lot of experience with difficult cataracts. The first “funny” thing that happened was what I saw when I walked into the medical center. If I didn’t know I was in a hospital I would swear that I had just walked into a bank lobby. It truly looked like they were able to get a deal on furniture and fixtures from a failing bank!

After completing enough paperwork and searches on my insurance to qualify for a fixed rate jumbo loan I headed up for my exam.

I was pleased to see a copy of AARP magazine in the waiting room. Since I am 44 years old, I can’t technically join AARP, therefore my only opportunity to read the magazine is at my in-laws house or in the doctor’s office. That’s the second "funny" thing, that the publisher of a "retirement" magazine and a guy that has spend several weeks in senior living communities doesnt get a subscription to AARP.

The editors note in the February issue was great, Nancy Perry Graham introduced me to the term, “chronological racism” when telling a story about her AARP colleagues attending a Springsteen concert wearing their AARP tee shirts. Ironically, I can accuse AARP of chronological racism by not letting someone like me (under 50) join their group!   It’s a shame because the articles and resources are really good no matter what your age.

So how does all this tie into the blog? This issue also featured an article on 10 individuals who inspire to make the world a better place. I am pleased that they featured Brenda Krause Eheart, the founder of Hope Meadows which is one of the Everyone Is Aging Honor Roll members.

Oh, almost forgot to mention, my surgery is scheduled for March 10th!

When I run into readers of this blog, usually the question comes up, "What ever happened to the little girl in the retirement community?" The little girl is Kimberly Broffman, the 6-year-old grandaughter of residents living in an age-restricted retirement community in Florida. The homeowners association of the community is in a brutal battle with the family and the potential that Kimberly might be assigned to a foster family is a real threat.

The good news is that the family is still together, and according to this article the family received some well wishes and support in the form of gifts from neighbors, care groups and school faculty during this holiday season. Hopefully the Broffmans will either sell their home or the homeowners association will make an important exception in the near future, we will keep you updated on this one!

Here is the video that will make you question the concept of age restricted living!

As I have mentioned, the other communities I have stayed in were independent and assisted living and my accommodations included a full bathroom and kitchen. At first glance my room at Keswick seemed to be equal to most hotels I have stayed in. As I was unpacking my toothbrush in the bathroom, I realized that I didn’t have a shower!

This shouldn’t have been a surprise, because I have been to many nursing homes in my career and very few have rooms with private baths or showers. However, I didn’t bring a robe or anything to cover up on my morning march down the hall! Almost like clockwork a staff member arrived at my room with a gown and toiletries for my stay – like I said it’s a little like a 5 star hotel.

In the morning I headed down the hall for the shower. It was a huge shower with plenty of room, no barriers to entry and the ability to adjust the shower spray in any direction imaginable. If I wasn’t in a hurry, I could have spent a lot more time there. I am a huge proponent of Universal Design, while it might not be feasible for showers and bathrooms to be this large, they should all strive to be accessible. It makes it easier for those with all abilities.

It would be easy to take a negative viewpoint on the experience of having to walk down the hall to take a shower.  However, I have stayed in a few upscale bed and breakfasts where I had to do the same thing.

I know that there are some models of care that are focusing on private baths, and I can see how this will be a great benefit to residents, especially those living in these communities long-term.

 

I arrived at Keswick Multi-Care Center this afternoon. This community offers assisted living and nursing care, so I was pleasantly surprised that I would be staying in a skilled nursing room tonight! All of my stays up to this point have been in Independent or Assisted Living apartments so I am excited to say that I have now stayed in the full continuum of care!

I was greeted and shown to my room (Room #G10). Along the way I was introduced to a few staff members. I am staying in a section of the community where most residents are receiving rehab services.

I arrived a little late, but I was able to get dinner in the dining room and talk to a few residents and staff. I have had so many staff ask me if I need anything that I would swear I was staying in a 5 Star Hotel! The difference is that in most hotels everyone is anonymous, in these halls everyone knows each other and refers to each other by name.

I guess it feels a bit like a cross between the Ritz Carlton and my college dorm staying here. I kind of like keeping my door open and hearing the activity in the hallway!

Per my usual, here is a video to check out my “digs” for the night! 

 

This Friday I will be serving as the moderator for the Keswick Multi-Care’s Board of Directors’ annual retreat. Once again I caught myself in a situation where I was getting ready to book a hotel and I realized a more appropriate lodging situation would be in a senior living community.

I was delighted that Keswick had an available room for me; I feel the experience will only enhance my perspective as a moderator for their retreat.

I won’t be the first person to “break the age barrier” at Keswick. The community recently hosted an architect involved in the “Sleepover Project” that have I written about quite a bit on this blog and was featured at one of our ProAging meetings.

I look forward another enlightening experience, check back for some postings.

 

A few weeks ago I had the privilege to attend a drum circle conducted by my friend Alan Yellowitz at Sunrise of Bluemont Park. In all my years of visiting communities I don’t think I have witnessed such a unique activity.

The activity started the moment Alan would start unpacking and setting up his drums. Many of the residents were asking him questions about the drums and he would share information about their design and history.

Once the drum circle started, I moved throughout the community to get different video shots. Everyone I passed in the hallway was either tapping their feet or grooving to the beat.  It was great to glance into an office and see someone working behind a desk bobbing their head to the beat.

I am excited that the community is planning to have Alan come back when some local elementary schools students are visiting. I think it will be truly a memorable experience for the children and the elders!

 

My first entry on this blog was January 16, 2009. Although I am using this to chronicle only specific parts of my life and business, this blog gives me a great way to personally reflect on the events of the year … and what a year it’s been!

Over the years I have left dozens of “hair brained” ideas in my wake. With each of these I have tried to embrace a philosophy of “plan for the worst and expect the best”. Regardless of the outcome, each journey has provided me with a learning experience that could never be replicated in a classroom.

Moving into a senior living community at 43 years old, definitely classified as another “hair brained” idea! As someone who “plans for the worst” I was prepared to return home and “abort my mission” before I even laid my head on the pillow at Paul Spring Retirement Community. However, as someone who “expects the best”, I never dreamed that this “idea” would have led to me moving into 3 different senior living communities in one year!

More importantly, I never imagined how one idea could unlock a completely new perspective in my life and business. As I look back, I now have a dramatically different mindset compared to 12 months ago. Sharing some of this new perspective on this blog, at speaking engagements, business events and backyard barbeques has made me realize that I am not alone in this new way of thinking. It’s validated that every now and then a “hair brained” idea can evolve into a validated concept.

This year has reignited my passion and commitment to serve our elders and people of all ages … because “everyone is aging”! 

 

One of the pioneers in Senior Move Management, Margit Novak, President of Moving Solutions, (pictured below far left) shared the following personal story that integrates the importance of "purpose" and the concept of "staycations" in retirement communities which presents another great way to explore the hotel/retirement community concept.

Several months ago, I participated in a program on the emotions of downsizing.  Held at a nearby retirement community, the program included a panel of three community residents:  a resident of many years who had become widowed while living at the community, a wife who had moved with her husband a few years earlier, and a widow who had moved in a few months earlier.  Two of the panel members had lived nearby; one moved from another state to be near family.

One by one, the panel members described their experience of living in the community, what they had expected and what they found.  They described what a typical day was like, what they valued in the community, and how they felt about their decision to move.  They talked about a sense of purpose, of meeting new friends, of learning new things.

No one on the panel talked about the home they had left, about missing a 2-car garage, a large kitchen or a formal dining room.  No one said that closet space at their new apartment was inadequate, that they lacked privacy or felt they were “over-programmed.”

Then members of the audience spoke about what brought them to the program on downsizing.  They described their concerns about leaving their home and living in a community setting.  They talked about their reluctance to give up their garden, formal dining room or extra bedrooms for when grandchildren visit.  They talked about their concern that they would move and then be unhappy.

No one in the audience said their life had become smaller as friends moved, became ill or passed away.  No one talked about what it was like to eat meals alone, or the things they didn’t do because they lacked transportation, inclination or company.  No one talked about boredom, or depression or a sense of fatigue from the demands of maintaining a large home.

 

And then it struck me, that these people weren’t speaking the same language.  The things that made life in the retirement community meaningful, that gave residents a sense of purpose, weren’t even on the radar screen of the people who still lived in their homes.          I wondered how to connect their vocabulary, so they could understand what each was saying.  I wasn’t sure words could even suffice. Perhaps it is something that must be experienced.

I got a partial answer when a Marketing Director at a community described a “Staycation” program she had recently hosted.  Prospective residents were invited to spend three days at the community.  The Marketing Director surveyed each guest to learn about their interests, and custom-designed an itinerary for each person that included busy days and the company of resident-hosts.  At the end of the three days, more than half of the guests became serious prospects and initiated the move-in process.  “I thought I would be giving things up,” one woman commented.  “Instead, our lives would be fuller.”

As someone who spends time both in people’s homes and in retirement communities, I admit, I have a bias.  Virtually every client I meet after their move to a retirement community says, “I should have done this years ago.”  But they don’t chat for long.  They are busy going somewhere, doing something. They are busy thriving.

"Do you know of any retirement communities in the Boston area that do the hotel-type rental?  How would one find out about the possibilities for this type of rental?" 

I have received a few questions like this one lately. Since there is not a formal organization of communities offering this type of stay, here are some ideas if it’s something you are interested in.

• If you need to be somewhere specific, map your location on Google Maps


• Click on the “search nearby” link and type in “retirement community”. This should give you the location of the communities closest to your location.


• If that doesn’t generate a good list, contact the Area Agency on Aging in the region you are visiting and ask them for a list of local communities.  


• You want to focus on independent living retirement communities or continuing care retirement communities first.


• Once you have narrowed it down, your best point of contact will be the marketing department. Ask them if they have a program for guests to stay in their community. If the answer is yes, you may be on your way to a unique hotel stay!


• If its not their standard practice explain why you are interested. Since you are going to their city anyways, see if you could schedule a time to swing by the community on your trip and introduce yourself to the staff and tour the community. As I have stated earlier, I think this type of arrangement is best for travelers that are frequently going to the same location, checking out the location first and meeting staff is smart for everyone.

Definitely not as easy as calling in to book a hotel! Well, as I said before, this is not an idea for every traveler. However, for the right person and the right community it has the possibility to be a trip you will talk about for a long time!