Everyone is Aging Blog

I was delighted to see that John Kelly of The Washington Post did a great article and video featuring Bob Schapiro, one of the subjects of my post last week about living a life with "purpose".

Bob is a curious man who doesnt let grass grow under his feet and he seems to find purpose, friends and meaningful activities easily on his own. I think its important for those of us working in this field to serve as a "guide" by getting to know those we are working with on a deeper level and help them brainstorm ways they can engage in meaningful connections.

In the video, Bob states "I am doing something with my time that is worthwhile" a great reminder that this desire to serve others is ageless and shouldnt stop just because someone lives in a senior living community!

I had never heard of the term “Elder Orphans” until recently. There are about 10 million seniors in the U.S. who live alone. Most still have family members, but about 15 percent of seniors who need care have no family support. Even if that percentage remains constant, the sheer number of elder orphans will grow thanks to the massive changes in our population.

Yesterday I heard an interesting program on NPR related to adoption. Scott Simon recounted the challenges of adopting a child in this country if you are “older”.  He detailed how “older people” might have an easier time adopting a foster child.  This has led many to adopt children overseas. 

This Interesting generational parallel made me reflect on the similarities between Elder Orphans and Foster Children and the connections that we should all be making with both.  One of my favorite examples that integrate both is the Hope Meadows Community This community integrates elders with families and foster children to create a intentional supportive neighborhood.

It’s been estimated that nearly 60% of nursing home residents don’t have anyone visiting them each year. There are programs in many regions around the country that visit residents of nursing homes who don’t have families.  We need more of these programs especially with a focus on helping develop meaningful relationships for the residents and not just “visiting” elders.

 

For many a move to a senior living community or nursing home can be a traumatic change for the resident.  Because there are so many people to offer assistance in these settings its common for residents to stop helping others, stop or reduce energy toward trying to do things for themselves, and dreaming about the future.  There are many individuals that choose a different path – whether on their own or with the encouragement of others.

Kim Ahn

Fairfax County Times photographer Shamus Ian Fatzinger was driving by a basketball court on a recent 100 degree day.  He saw a lone shirtless player and thought it would make for a good photo.  Then Kim Ahn arrived, age 74, Shamus states,“She said that she found out she had high cholesterol and blood pressure so she started playing basketball for 2 hours each day. She told me she wears a hat to keep the sun off of her face and the fleece gloves were to protect her manicure. She was also followed by a soundtrack of Vietnamese religious music that was playing on a cell phone in her pocket. Very cool lady.”

Bob Schapiro

Yesterday I had a meeting at Friendship Terrace Retirement Community, when I entered the lobby I was happy to see Bob Schapiro, a resident that I interviewed for an article earlier this year.  Click here to read the article and watch a video of Bob.

Similar to Kim shooting hoops, Bob finds purpose in collecting cigar boxes. I remember him proudly showing me some of his “finds” when I first met him.  He told me that going out and looking for these was an adventure and is what “keeps me young”.  So, I was a bit surprised to see two carts with hundreds of cigar boxes in the corner of the lobby! 

I learned that Bob is now sharing his collection with the young soldiers at Walter Reed Medical Center.  The soldiers can now keep their personal items in a unique cigar box thanks to Bob!  Its great to see how he was able to turn his hobby which kept him occupied and happy into a project with such meaning!

Nursing Home Resident Council with a Purpose

Most assisted living and nursing homes have resident councils.  These are generally the equivalent of “student governments” in elder care settings.  Their structure and organization can vary greatly ranging from reviewing the details of management and operation decisions to reviewing menus and programming.  While independent living communities often have very active and organized resident councils – many times assisted living and nursing homes struggle to get residents involved.

At the Pioneer Network Conference I had the good fortune to attend a session featuring Mark Latham, Administrator of Pleasant View Center a Nursing Home in Concord, NH.  Mark shared how his community had similar challenges, and how he gave the residents the flexibility and a platform to create a resident council that has taken on some ambitious projects with meaning and purpose.

This meaningful work started with a discussion amongst residents that “hunger in New Hampshire is unacceptable”.  It set off a series of events and activities that has raised over $80,000 to date for the NH Food Bank and encouraged other communities and nursing centers to follow their model and help out.  The group has not stopped there – they are continuing to take on important issues and concerns to the residents. 

As Mark Latham talked about this change in his center – I had a visions of a Hollywood movie!  I asked if the residents getting a taste of “activities” with such meaning and purpose, did they continue participation in the traditional activities in the center?  He shared that he thought that might be a result, but it wasn’t.  This program was offering the residents another option, and fortunately because there are so many involved in the project a resident has the flexibility to skip a conference call if one of their favorite activities is scheduled at the same time.

He mentioned that the residents are open to reaching out to other communities to share what they have learned and help others – here is the contact information: Barbara.platts-comeau@genesishcc.com.

 

Click here for some additional information on the Seniors Aid New Hampshire Program.

The closing session at most trade shows and conferences can sometimes be a “commercial” for the next years show. So I was tempted to skip the closing session at the Pioneer Network Conference to catch up on emails.  I am glad that I didn’t – all of the speakers were very good – but my favorite was Omar Cain.  Omar is a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) who works in a nursing home in the Philadelphia area.  Check out this video of Omar!

Omar performed his song on the video at the conference – the entire crowd was on their feet!  

I really connected with the poem he recited before the song,

IN 1997 A GROUP WAS FORMED.

PROMINENT PROFESSIONALS PIONEER WAS BORN

CALLED FOR A CHANGE THE IMPACT WAS RADICAL

SO CULTURE OF AGING IS HUMANE AND HABITABLE

EMBRACE FLEXIBILTY, AND SELF DETERMINATION

IN A SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY THAT BUILDS A RELATION

CARING FOR AMERICAS ELDERS IN A STATE OF AGING

REGARDLESS OF AGE, CONDITIONS, OR LIMITATIONS

IT’S NOT A DESTINATION AJACENT TO A JOURNEY

DIFFERENT FROM TRADITIONAL MODELS, BUT MORE HOMELY’

THE DREAM IS IT BECOMES WORLD WIDE SELECTED 

CONSUMER DRIVEN AND RESIDENT DIRECTED

IT’S MORE THAN A TASK BETTER YET A MISSION

A RACE TO THE FINISH BUT NOT A COMPETITION

A HOME TO RESIDE TO THRIVE NOT DECLINE

UPLIFT SPIRITS AND BODY AND MIND WILL RESPOND

CULTURE CHANGE IS A WORK IN PROGRESS 

TOGETHER AS ONE WE CAN SPEED THIS PROCESS

THIS IS ABOUT LIFE NOT ABOUT A PROFIT

WE GOTTA EXERCISE OUR VOICE TO SENATE AND CONGRESS

THIS WAY OF LIFE IS BETTER  PHYSICALLY  STIMULATES MENTALLY

HELP SAVE OUR LIVES WE ALL GET OLDER EVENTUALLY

IT’S A HEAVY LOAD WE ALL MUST HOLD

“The only thing that should change when someone moves to a nursing home is their address”

This was a quote that someone shared with me at the Pioneer Network Annual Conference last week. Although it may seem like a lofty and unacheivable goal - after attending this event and meeting so many caring, creative and committed people - I am confident that we will see dramatic sweeping changes in senior living in the near future!

I was a speaker and it was my first time attending one of their conferences. I am kicking myself for not attending sooner!  The Pioneer Network was founded with a focus on radical change in the culture of aging often referred to as the "Culture Change" movement in Nursing Homes and Long-Term Care Settings.  Click here for a definition of Culture Change.

I guess I thought that concepts of Culture Change relied primary on changes to the physical structure of a community or nursing center.  After attending the conference I realize how wrong my interpretation was!  Through conversations with attendees and going to several seminars it’s clear that this movement is centered on the people living in these homes.  As Holly Whiteside Author of "The Caregiver’s Compass" states, “The architectural or administrative changes only support and facilitate people shifting their focus to human connection.”

It gave me hope that there are so many caring people motivated to think creatively and try new ideas to improve these environments.  I also liked the fact that there was so much healthy debate and challenging of ideas and thoughts.  I liked how everyone seemed to challenge each other from the viewpoint of “is that going to be what the resident wants?”

There were many topics and resources that I discovered at the conference, I hope to explore many of these in future postings on the blog and in articles in Guide to Retirement Living SourceBook.  :

If you are working with seniors and their families you need to try to attend a Pioneer Network event.  Trust me, there is nothing you will read that will convey the benefits of attending this event with your eyes wide open and a willingness to meet and talk to others. The programming and organization are great – but it’s the people that you will meet that will make you feel confident that we will have better care for our elders.

 

20 years ago, I cobbled together the first edition of Guide to Retirement Living in the Washington, DC metro region.  Shortly thereafter I received a phone call from Mirca Liberti, one of the founders of the innovative non-profit, Children of Aging Parents (CAPS) asking me when I was going to put together a similar version for the Philadelphia region. 

Mirca was persistent, checking in with me regularly to see when I was going to get started in Philadelphia.  About a year later I decided to make a trip up to Levittown, PA to meet her, and I have been friends with her and her husband Carlo ever since.

Mirca had a huge network of family, friends and connections that spanned a variety of fields serving others.  Over the years I would only see her about once a year, but she would make me feel like was the most important person in her life.  She was a living example of the value of living life with purpose and helping others. 

Yesterday, I attended Mirca’s memorial service.  I met many others who Mirca inspired and we all shared how she made us feel so special in her presence. 

Mirca taught many children and adults in a classroom setting (see photo of her teaching in Italy), I was one of her students outside the classroom and she taught me alot!

The program for Mirca’s memorial included a quote from Dorothy Monroe that starts with “Death is not too high a price to pay for having lived.”  Mirca didn’t just a live a life she thrived! 

I can’t thank her enough for sharing part of her life with me.

Article about Mirca

Click here for Mirca’s Obituary

 

The folks at MetLife really churn out some great research! The other day I learned that they recently released a study “How Purpose is Recession-Proof and Age-Proof” which is a follow up to last years research “Discovering What Matters” which I mentioned back in March 09 during my first move to a senior living community.

You can read the details of both of these research projects at their website. For me this report is simply a reminder that above all else having purpose is the most important element at all ages.

It might seem like common sense, but I feel that this often escapes many of us in the senior living and care giving world.  I recently interviewed a 99 year old resident in a senior living community who shared a wonderfully unique story of purpose that he feels has "kept him alive". I hope you enjoy it! 

Last week I had the opportunity to participate in a Virtual Dementia Tour at Arden Courts Alzheimer’s Assisted Living in Annandale, VA.  The tour is a program created by Second Wind Dreams and administered by three Arden Courts staff members. 

I was joined by my colleague Marlene Zaborsky and a staff member at Arden Courts for the tour.  After a brief consultation, we moved into the community where we were “outfitted” for the tour. As you can see from my flattering photo, each of us were fitted with gloves to simulate Arthritis, goggles to simulate Macular Degeneration, an ill fitting jacket, and corn kernels in our shoes to simulate peripheral nerve damage. However, the most dramatic element was a headphones with a truly confusing mix of noises. 

At this point I was completely confused, I realized that someone was giving me some instructions and leading me into an apartment for the tour. I barely heard the instructions, once in the apartment I tried to muddle through tasks.  Halfway through, Marlene entered the room in the same attire; we quietly went about our business.  I later learned she didn’t hear any of the instructions and was just following my lead.  She had a complete different set of instructions! The entire experience only lasted ten minutes, but it seemed like it was much longer.

After the three of us concluded the tour, we all met to discuss the experience with the moderation of our leaders. An Arden Courts staff member was in the room during our each of our tours and shared her observations on our behavior. It was very interesting to hear someone talk about your reactions when you are under the limitations of this simulation.

There are definitely a few more details, but overall the Virtual Dementia Tour really opened my eyes to what some of the challenges that others may be facing.  My tour was only ten minutes long, and its simulating disabilities that will last a lifetime for many people. 

I would not change any aspects of the tour, if feel it’s truly effective at sensitizing you to a different perspective.  However, I feel it’s important to recognize that all elders don’t necessarily have all the disabilities that it simulates. I feel that this would be valuable experience for those providing direct care to elders (which Arden Courts does) and family members.  I am eager to begin reflecting on the perspective I gained from this tour.  

 

Today I had a great conversation with Barbara Sullivan, who was on the leadership team at Paul Spring, the first community I “moved” into.  Barbara has just launched a new business, Silver Age, LLC.

Barbara and I were talking about some of the innovations getting headlines lately such as the MedCottage , Paro the robotic seal  and the variety of technology devices that provide medication reminders .

I joked that my wife has been reminding me to take out the trash since we have been married (and I still don’t do it).  Wouldn’t it be smart to have a device that could remind me of all the things I need to do in my 20s, 30s, 40s?  When I get to my 70s and 80s the same device could be used to remind me about medications if needed (or taking out the trash!)

My point is that it’s the stigma of an “age or disability” specific device that makes so many resist these products.  

Could a MedCottage be a workshop or a home office? Could Paro the robotic seal be a pet for a child with allergies? And we already know that I need help reminding me to take out the trash on Tuesday and Thursday … or is that Monday and Wednesday?

 

The World Health Organization (WHO) recently announced the launch of the Global Network of Age-friendly Cities. The initiative aim is to “help cities create urban environments that allow older people to remain active and healthy participants in society.”

This reminded me of a story I had planned to share here a few weeks ago.  The father of a friend of mine was widowed several years ago.  Living alone, he was lonely and many people encouraged him to move to an active adult community.  He did a little research and followed their advice.  After a few years he realized it wasn’t a great fit. While he made friends, many were couples and he didn’t play golf which was a common pastime in the community. 

He grew up in a city, but lived in the suburbs as an adult, and he began to dream about returning to an urban lifestyle.  He travelled to several cities and eventually found an amenity-rich condo and neighborhood in Baltimore that he liked.  He has absolutely no family or connections in Baltimore, but he decided to make the move anyways.

In my last conversation with my friend, his dad was in the middle of packing, a bit nervous, but very excited to experience the urban lifestyle as an elder.

I love this story because it is a great example of an elder exploring an urban lifestyle. Its also great example of how someone tried out a “traditional retirement option” and it didn’t fit, but he is now on an adventure to create a lifestyle that works for him. A great reminder that we don’t need to play by the rules, I hope to hear more stories like this one in the future!