Bruce was shocked, but he soon realized that his father had not been managing any of the couple’s finances. “We discovered that my dad hadn’t been paying my mother’s Medicare premiums since May 2010, and the medical bills were piling up,” Bruce said.

Over the course of her career, Vera never emphasized private practice feeling it was too isolating in terms of her capacity to effect change.  Above all, she said she stressed the importance of distrusting simple answers and instead dealing with complexity in the area of human behavior.

After the passing of her husband, the nature of her work extended to a broader field as she did international consulting, establishing relationships in Europe.  “I had the great opportunity to meet some extraordinarily gifted people from whom I did learn much,” she said.

According to Vera, her profession was interrupted almost overnight when she lost the capacity to read over two years ago because of a physical change in the structure of her eye. As her eyesight continued to diminish, she found it impossible to operate independently with certain tasks such as money management.  Fortunately, she was connected to Kate Finan of Finan Financial Care, LLC, who has specialized in the daily money management needs of seniors in the area since 1993.

When Kate visits Vera, they consider the priority of items such as paying bills and making donations to charities; reconciling the checkbook; and reviewing and making decisions on how to respond to a fairly large volume of mail.  Vera has also appreciated the focus on her need for legal help as they have established a will and other important documents.  “She has been great in helping me organize the practical aspects of my life under the condition of diminished sight; she acts as an alter ego,” said Vera.

She also said she has found a connection with Kate as far as her capacity to see the complexity of what Vera has to deal with beyond simple solutions.

“In this relationship with Kate, what is paramount is the mutual recognition that the problem is not in a loss of mental capacity but rather in the capacity to deal with practical everyday problems,” said Vera.  “Without her help, I would have been stressed and unable to manage my current life.”

When her husband went to Florida, Roslyn entered an assisted living facility for respite care in order to join him later. Due to poor care, however, she checked herself out and received help from an in home caregiver. Unfortunately Roslyn’s health didn’t improve and was unable to join her husband, therefore he returned home. Soon Mrs. Michelson was hospitalized, after which they proceeded to have a full-time caregiver.

Despite having long-term care insurance, Roslyn had not had the strength to get the appropriate paperwork organized and submitted to the company and was therefore paying the caregiver out of pocket along with the long-term care premiums.

As a result, Roslyn’s social worker insisted she enlist outside help and contacted Mary Helen Dennis with InfoDoc, Inc., a daily money management and professional organizing service. Although Roslyn was hesitant to be paying for such services, they established a relationship that lasted three years.

With the help of InfoDoc, the long-term care paperwork was submitted and a system was set up accordingly for the caregiver to regularly send her bills directly to the insurance company. Since paperwork “drove her crazy,” Roslyn’s husband had always handled it until his health began to fail. In turn, Mary Helen, who also developed a working relationship with Roslyn’s attorney and tax accountant, helped clean out and organize her files, from gathering her tax documents on time to recovering requested documents for the estate attorney.

In 2005, when her husband passed away, Roslyn received help filing the life insurance claims, and was surprised to learn there was a third policy of which she was unaware. According to Mary Helen, this was due to the policies being purchased over 50 years before and the insurance company names having since changed. Later that year, Roslyn moved to an assisted living facility and received frequent visits from Mary Helen who also continued to offer her services until Roslyn’s passing in December of 2008.

Not only did the help of a daily money manager help Roslyn in the last few years of her life, but it also provided her loved ones with peace of mind as her two daughters now know exactly where to find all of her important documents.

But can you do anything to minimize family conflict if you become incompetent or pass away?

You might want to encourage your family to continue communicating amicably – even after you are unable to express your preferences – by including a “mediation” provision in your will or living trust.

What mediation is and isn’t

What is mediation? It might be easier to begin by explaining what mediation is not.

Mediation is not litigation. Litigation is a hearing in a court with formal presentation of testimony and evidence. Lawyers do a lot of the talking, and a judge’s ruling is the final decision. That decision also generally becomes a matter of public record.

Mediation is also not arbitration. Binding arbitration is a hearing before a person who is not a judge – but almost. The presentation of testimony and evidence is less formal than in a court, but the arbitrator’s ruling is final. Non-binding arbitration does not produce an enforceable decision, but gives the almost-judge arbitrator an active role in shaping the outcome of the parties’ discussions.

In contrast to litigation and arbitration, mediation is much less structured. It is simply an opportunity for everybody involved to have a conversation. The conversation is facilitated by an objective third party called a “mediator”.

There is no formal presentation of evidence or proffer of testimony during a mediation session. More often than not, lawyers do not even participate.

The mediator, who may or may not be a lawyer, is not there to make a judgment or even venture a legal opinion. The mediator is simply a neutral person who assists the parties in fully discussing the issues that prompted the conversation.

It may be that the parties simply clarify their positions and understand each other better. They may discuss possible options or alternative. Perhaps the parties succeed in crafting an agreement that resolves some or all of the issues that brought them together. As the term “agreement” implies, an agreement is enforceable only to the extent that everyone agrees to the provisions in it.

Benefits of mediation

So why would someone choose mediation over litigation or arbitration?

For one thing, mediation is less costly. One or two mediators can take the place of several attorneys. A few informal mediation sessions might accomplish what an adversarial proceeding might take days to achieve.

For another, a mediation session is confidential. The discussion can be free, full and open: what’s said in the session, stays in the session (with limited exceptions).

But perhaps most importantly, it is the parties and the parties alone who determine the outcome of a mediation. As a result, the people who know the situation best are controlling the process.

No one – however skilled or experienced – knows your family as well as you and your family. And it makes sense that family members, rather than lawyers or judges, should be the ones who craft a resolution to any family conflict or crisis.

Your resolution might be creative, even unique to the needs of your family. New or different options that might never arise in a more formal proceeding might blossom into an agreement that works for your family’s particular circumstances.

Family members are far more likely to comply with the provisions of an agreement that they helped craft and willingly chose, in contrast to a court order or an arbitrator’s ruling.

Even if a complete resolution of the parties’ differences is not achieved in mediation, participants should emerge clearer and more focused regarding their options. Even if a litigation does take place after mediation, the case should be less time-consuming, less costly, and, hopefully, less combative.

Perhaps most importantly, the lines of communication have been kept open, and precious relationships are maintained. Even if the mediation concludes with all participants agreeing to disagree, everyone has had an opportunity to hear and be heard in a safe and civil forum.

Providing for mediation

How can you arrange for your family to mediate any trust and estate disputes rather than turn to litigation or binding arbitration?

Consult with your attorney about including a mediation provision in your will or living trust. That provision should state your desire that any disputes over inheritance matters be resolved using a mediator, and authorize your executor to pay any related fees or expenses from the estate.

You may also want to suggest who should participate in any mediation sessions (e.g., do you think having lawyers participate in certain sessions would be helpful or not?), and at what point you believe a mediation might be helpful or necessary.

Getting family members to sit and talk about their differences might not solve all their problems, but it might prevent some long-term damage to their relationships, and add immeasurably to your legacy.

Nancy Karkowsky is a mediator and attorney in Silver Spring, Maryland.

1. Thinking it’s too late to start planning.
Once you reach your 50s or 60s, it may seem too late to start investing. After all, how can you accumulate enough money to make a difference when you retire? But thanks to the power of compounding, boosted by the tax-deferred growth offered by individual retirement account (IRAs), 401(k) plans, and annuities, it may not take as much as you think to build up a nest egg. So don’t get disappointed, especially when you continue to the second common mistake coming right up. A little planning goes a long way for what is hopefully a lengthy retirement.

2. Underestimating your life expectancy.
You may think you know how long you’ll live in retirement – but as life expectancies increase, you may need to plan for a much longer retirement than you initially anticipated. Almost 20% of workers expect their retirement to last 10 years or less, while an additional 15% expect their retirement to last 11 to 19 years. But according to the 2000 Retirement Confidence Survey by the Employee Benefit Research Institute (EBRI), half of the men reaching age 65 have an additional life expectancy of approximately 17 years, while half of the women reaching age 65 have an additional life expectancy of approximately 21 years.

3. Not calculating your savings needs.
Most financial planners will tell you to plan on needing 60% to 85% of your pre-retirement income in your retirement years. But can you really predict how much you’ll need based on general percentages? According to the EBRI survey, only 53% of workers have tried to determine how much money they’ll need to save by the time they retire. But half of the workers who did try to estimate their retirement needs increased their investments or changed their asset allocation as a result of their calculations. That suggests many people may not be correctly estimating their retirement needs. But thanks to software and online calculators, it’s easy to do so. My personal favorite, check out: http://www3.troweprice.com/ric/RIC/

4. Not taking inflation into account.
Many investors, particularly older ones, are uncomfortable with market volatility. As a result, they invest solely in Treasury bills, fixed-rate CDs, and savings accounts. Doing this could potentially eat away at most of their investment return, as these vehicles tend to return close to or less than inflation. As you approach retirement – and even in retirement – it’s important to consider keeping some money in growth investments such as conservative stock mutual funds.

5. Putting other financial goals first.
Retirement probably isn’t your only financial goal. You may also be saving for your children’s or grandchildren’s college education or buying some nice gifts for the kids. These are all important, but don’t place them ahead of a financially secure retirement.

6. Failure to Diversify.
If you ever lost a lot of money in the market, it could only mean one thing: you weren’t diversified. In a well diversified portfolio, while various slices of the portfolio go up, others go down. Recognize no one is ever perfect and it’s nearly impossible to have a portfolio where everything is going up at the same time. Good diversification takes prediction and emotion out of the equation, which usually translates to better success. Rebalance at least twice a year, and this along with a diversified portfolio means you’ll be far ahead of many others trying to predict. To better understand diversification, check out www.callan.com/resource and take a look at the “Callan Chart.” Here, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Certainly, there are more “mistakes” people make, but these are the ones I consider to be the most common. Paying attention to the details is where retirement success takes place, and for your journey ahead, I wish you all the happiness life has to offer.

For more information, visit www.alanhaft.com

Family members came from Delaware and Baltimore, neighbors stopped by to offer congratulations, and both new and old friends were happy to celebrate Amelia Frank’s recent 97th birthday. As she approaches the centenarian milestone, Mrs. Frank enjoys the company of good friends and family members. She readily admits that finding the right type of assistance has allowed her to remain in control of her life-and her finances.

Mrs. Frank graduated from Barnard College and taught high school for several years in upstate New York. In 1942, a colleague from Barnard asked her why she was not involved in the war effort. Shortly thereafter, she joined the U.S. Navy. After 20 years in the service, she retired as a Lieutenant Commander.

After retiring, Mrs. Frank focused her energies on volunteer work. One of her most rewarding positions was with The Seton Guild, the organization that provides fundraising support for the St. Ann’s Infant and Maternity Home, a home for needy expectant mothers and mothers with young children. Mrs. Frank recalls with some pride several mothers who went on to get college degrees after leaving St. Ann’s.

When her husband passed away, Mrs. Frank decided to leave her family home in favor of a smaller apartment. Later, she moved to Leisure World, where she enjoyed an active lifestyle. While dealing with some health problems, Mrs. Frank realized that she needed a more supportive environment and moved Bedford Court, a Sunrise Senior Living community in Silver Spring, MD.

While still living at Leisure World, Mrs. Frank began receiving confusing bills from home care agencies that were assisting her. Unsure how to contest these bills, she turned to the social worker at Leisure World, who recommended Help Unlimited, a local Daily Money Management firm.

In 2005, Help Unlimited began assisting Mrs. Frank. During her first visit with Mrs. Frank, Roberta Gosier, a Daily Money Manager and the Director of Help Unlimited, focused on resolving the issues with the home care agencies’ bills. Roberta also worked with Mrs. Frank in pulling together her 2004 income tax paperwork. It did not take long to solve these problems, but unfortunately, Roberta soon discovered that someone had misused Mrs. Frank’s credit card and her long distance service. Help Unlimited immediately addressed these issues and helped Mrs. Frank to avoid any damage to her credit record.

Mrs. Frank now only needs periodic assistance to keep her affairs in order and her tax paperwork up-to-date. “Getting all these papers organized is extremely important,” says Mrs. Frank.

Always meticulous and detail-oriented, Mrs. Frank admits that she enjoyed balancing her checkbook and taking care of her bills. However, she now realizes how important the help of a Daily Money Manager can be. This type of assistance has helped her to resolve incorrect bills and avoid unmanageable paperwork.

Native to the D.C. metro area, Mrs. Robinson has spent most of her 90 years in Arlington. She met her husband while working at the Dept. of the Interior, and later spent 18 months living in Japan while he was stationed there. The couple had four children. Mrs. Robinson now has ten grandchildren and one great-grandchild.

When she is not visiting with her family, Mrs. Robinson can often be found at her church, St. Andrew’s Episcopal, where she is an active member. She is also a frequent participant in activities at Culpepper Garden, the retirement community in Arlington where she lives. Every morning, Mrs. Robinson opens the doors to the community recreation department and receives the pastries and bread donated by local grocery stores.

Despite her independent nature, Mrs. Robinson was beginning to have problems managing her finances and paying bills due to her macular degeneration. When she mentioned her difficulty to a Resident Services staff member at Culpepper Garden, they told her about a two-year old program called the Arlington Money Management Program. The program is managed by Senior Services of Alexandria and is funded under the Older Americans Act. The funds come through the Arlington Agency on Aging of the Department of Human Services. Culpepper Garden generously donates office space for the program administrator.

Mrs. Robinson was surprised to learn that there was someone who could help her right at Culpepper Garden. Shortly after this conversation, Mrs. Robinson met with June Hoye, the program administrator and an experienced money manager.

Getting assistance with her financial matters has helped her to realize that “money is pretty good to have,” Mrs. Robinson says. June Hoye was able to help Mrs. Robinson write necessary checks and consolidate and minimize her debt.

June notes, “Mrs. Robinson had incurred tremendous debt because of her generosity in giving to others.” When June began working with her, Mrs. Robinson was writing checks to six different credit card companies each month. June took her to Consumer Credit Counseling Service, and they were able to consolidate her debts and arrange for a single monthly payment.

“My checking balance is higher than I’ve ever had before. I’m even getting a little stingy! I don’t want to spend it now,” says Mrs. Robinson, who is relieved to finally have her finances in order.

Unfortunately, he miscalculated. After his wife passed away several years ago, he began to review the planning he had done and realized that he would soon deplete his retirement funds. Mr. Simmons consulted with the financial advisor at his bank, who, after reviewing his situation, recommended that he meet with a reverse mortgage counselor. The advisor specifically suggested Michael Arntz, a Certified Senior Advisor and a Reverse Mortgage Consultant with Wells Fargo.

Mr. Simmons met with Michael Arntz a few days later. He explained his financial situation, admitting that his home, which he owned free and clear, was his last remaining asset. He also pointed out that while he was still making ends meet, the meager income that Social Security provided would not allow him to continue to live as he was accustomed. Michael recalls Mr. Simmon’s succinct explanation of his problem, “He said, ‘I planned ahead, and I saved to be able to live comfortably until I was 80; the problem is that I didn’t die.’”

As Mr. Simmons explained his situation, he also told Michael that after years of being in love with his now deceased wife, he had recently met a new girlfriend. “He was distraught by the fact that he could not afford to take her out to dinner. In this sense, he had lost his dignity,” says Michael.

Initially, Mr. Simmons was not sure that a reverse mortgage was for him. He was not in foreclosure or financially devastated; he simply wanted to improve his lifestyle. However, reverse mortgages are increasingly being used to meet the needs of individuals like Mr. Simmons, who simply want to maintain their current lifestyle. Reverse Mortgages are even being used by seniors to improve their lifestyles-with exotic vacations or luxury purchases. Because there are no restrictions on how the funds from a reverse mortgage are used, this unique financing option can meet the needs of a wide variety of borrowers.

After taking an upfront payment of $25,000 in order to pay off outstanding debts and buy new appliances, Mr. Simmon’s reverse mortgage of his $200,000 home still provides him with monthly payments of $1,000. Treating his girlfriend to special dinners and going out are again options for him. With his financial worries put to rest, Mr. Simmons can now truly enjoy the years he did not plan for.

“I’m looking forward to traveling more than I’ve been able to in the past, starting with a trip to Africa next year. I really appreciate experiencing different kinds of people,” she says. It shows in her work.

Jan’s photographs of children and animals are especially captivating. Her goal is to capture the essence of the person being photographed, rather than stage a beautiful scene. She explains, “If I pose someone, the photograph becomes stilted and doesn’t allow his or her personality to show through. Even if it comes out nicely, it can’t ever be more than that – a posed picture. If, instead, I give them a start and let them do what’s comfortable, we end up with a photograph that has life, and that gives joy.”

Jan’s passion behind the camera diminishes noticeably when it comes to paperwork and finances. “I’m not the most organized person,” she confesses. Her priorities – running her business, keeping abreast of technological changes in her field and maintaining an active social life – leave little time for these daily chores, so she hired a daily money manager.

She initially asked Carla Morelli of Freyer Money Management, to pay such bills as the mortgage, utilities, and credit cards and to handle the business bookkeeping. “It became much more than that,” she laughs. Within a year, Jan ended up sending all her bills to Freyer, and now has Carla work with her CPA, financial planners, and estate planner. Carla even handled the settlement of Jan’s parents’ estate when her mother passed away last summer. “It’s been wonderful. I don’t have to worry about anything – I know it’s being handled properly and on time,” she says.

Jan’s daughter, Maureen Metcalf, is equally happy. She was concerned about her mother’s time and ability to handle financial matters. Living in Ohio, she cannot easily assist her mother. “Knowing that I can call Carla at any time and ask questions or get the information I need is a relief. I don’t worry about something important being missed, and I know she’ll call if she needs anything. It’s a great relationship.”

Her daily money manager will be indispensable when Jan takes to the road because, as she explains, “Nothing will change. My bills already go to Freyer, and they know what to expect. If something doesn’t come in, they tell me and handle it, not the other way around. I can go away whenever I want and not have to worry about missing payments or coordinating bills. It’s great!”

Yet in order to help others, to make a real difference, charities depend on public donations to operate their programs. More than 80% of the money raised by charities in this country comes from individuals. Faced with an aging population, and an increasing need for services and research breakthroughs, charities are responding like never before. To help you make wise giving decisions, the Council of Better Business Bureaus offers some tips:

Do not give cash. Write out a check to the charity’s full, official name.
Keep records of your donations (receipts, canceled checks and bank statements), so you can document your charitable giving at tax time. Since 1994, the IRS has also required that donations of $250 or more be substantiated through a written receipt from the charity; the cancelled check alone will not be sufficient for tax purposes.
Look at the name carefully. Some charity names sound the same. There are many charities raising funds for similar causes. If you are unsure, ask the charity to send you more information on its programs and finances.
Check out the organization with the local Charity Registration Office (usually a division of the state Attorney General’s Office) and with your Better Business Bureau.

There are hundreds of organizations within your area that need your help. Most gifts are tax deductible. Many charities offer volunteer opportunities as well. By giving, whether it is time or money, you will be helping to make the world a better place. We urge you to participate.